


we didn't know how to fly so high (burned down before we reached the sky)

by fonulyn



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Action & Romance, Bits of angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, I promise, M/M, idk this is just tropes i like all smashed into one, mentioned past Leon/Ada
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-07 09:22:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18870349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fonulyn/pseuds/fonulyn
Summary: “Hey, Redfield. You actually came.”Chris spun around, surprised. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but ...definitely not this. It had been a while since he’d last met Leon S. Kennedy, but the man hadn’t really changed at all. Maybe the circles under his eyes were a little darker, the tiredness more evident, but that was about it.-Or, the one wherein Chris gets dragged into a bullshit mission with Leon, and somehow it's less professional and more justfeelings.





	1. and the wind blows through my heart

**Author's Note:**

> HI GUYS so this is the first proper fic I've written in this fandom. I did write some drabbles back in... 2011, but we won't count those against me, right. The thing is, I haven't written _any_ fic in over two years, but then two weeks ago I re-watched RE:Vendetta and suddenly I had all of these _feelings_ i didn't know what to do with. 
> 
> So I wrote this. It's pretty much... every trope I like put in a blender and mixed together? (No, I lie, I couldn't fit all the tropes in, might have to write another for those.) This is seriously the most self-indulgent thing I've written _in my life_. But it did help me go from not writing at all into 20k in a week, so. I hope someone else gets a kick out of this, too!
> 
> Parts two and three should follow soon, I hope, as they're almost done. Just a heads-up, though, don't expect a super-intricate plot or anything, 90% of this is just those two stubborn fools circling around each other ;) There aren't really any other characters even, and some who are mentioned are made up lmao. Also, the explicit rating is pretty much for the last chapter.

The icy wind blew straight against Chris’ face so harshly that he already regretted coming here at all. It wasn’t that he hated winter, or snow, but there was something so unforgiving about the little pinpricks of icy snow dotting his face, the way he could barely breathe against the gusts of wind, that he instinctively wanted to get the hell out. Instead he just raised his hand and tugged on the collar of his coat, trying to lift it up to gain more shelter from the cold. Maybe he really should’ve taken the thick red scarf that had been offered to him, instead of just brushing it aside with a nonchalant _I can handle it_. 

Thankfully he didn’t have to wait for long before he spotted a figure clad in thick winter coat quickly approaching him through the snowfall, waving a hand in greeting. “Chris Redfield?” the person asked as soon as he was close enough and didn’t have to shout over the wind. “You’re expected for a briefing inside, over there.” The man pointed towards the nearby building that looked like nothing more than a barn, but whatever. Didn’t really matter, they weren’t here to settle down, they’d be on the move in the matter of hours. 

Dutifully Chris followed the man and they jogged to the small building. The door creaked as it opened, but Chris barely noticed as he was more focused on the blissful lack of wind in his face. He didn’t even realize that the man didn’t come inside with him, only held the door for him and took off. Instead he was focused on how he was freezing his ears off already. He’d need a thicker hat. Or to just still get the hell out of here, that was definitely an option. He hadn’t even heard more about the mission than that he’d been personally requested for it, and he wasn’t really in the mood for guessing games, so if this thing didn’t become more clear soon he’d – 

That’s about as far as his thought process got before he was interrupted by a familiar voice. 

“Hey, Redfield. You actually came.”

Chris spun around, surprised. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but …definitely not this. It had been a while since he’d last met Leon S. Kennedy, but the man hadn’t really changed at all. Maybe the dark circles under his eyes were a little deeper than before, the tired lines on his face a little more prominent, but that was about it. He was leaning back in a chair, feet propped up on a table, arms folded over his chest, and despite all of the tiredness he still managed to look cocky as he smirked at Chris. 

And that was all it took, really. One smirk, and all of the walls Chris had carefully built around his heart came crumbling down, the walls that he had thought would last forever. He’d be damned though if he’d let that show. As casually as he could – and he did trust his poker face, if nothing else – he arched an eyebrow questioningly and forced his stance to relax. “No one told me you’d be here,” he answered, not really caring if it sounded impolite. “Smart move.”

Leon laughed, albeit joylessly. “So obviously not mine, point taken.” He swung his feet off the table and onto the ground, straightening in his chair so he could pull a pile of papers closer. “Now that you’re here, though. Do you want to know about the job,” he paused, looking straight up at Chris, not even blinking as he maintained eye-contact, “or would you rather turn on your heels and run?”

Honestly? The second option sounded a lot more tempting at the moment. He wasn’t entirely certain if he could trust himself around the other man, and he could really do without the heartache and the inevitable frustration it’d bring. Yet… even though they hadn’t exactly ended things and remained best friends, the break up had been amicable enough. For all intents and purposes they were, well, at least colleagues if not friends. It wasn’t really Leon’s fault that Chris couldn’t get a grip on his feelings. 

“Fine,” Chris huffed and grabbed a chair, pulling it closer to himself only to flip it around so he could sit and lean his arms on the backrest. “What have you got?” He took a cursory look at the papers on the table. There was a map with red and green markings on it, things scribbled in Leon’s unintelligible handwriting in the margins, three thick piles of documents and a bunch of photographs. Nothing that immediately told him what they were there for, though. 

“This is a research center,” Leon started, pointing at the part of map he had circled three times in green. “Remember when we were told that they destroyed all of that new strain of the virus? None kept even for ‘scientific purposes’ and all that jazz?” He only waited until Chris nodded, and then went on. “Well they lied. There’s still some samples in there. Some people pretty high up the food chain decided to have some stored for their own personal gain.”

“Okay,” Chris drawled slowly, eyes trained on the map although he wasn’t really looking at it, but processing what he’d just been told. He would’ve liked to be more surprised about this, but in all honesty, he was mainly just resigned to the fact that the cycle would never end. There always was someone who wanted to control such power, wanted to have such a massive weapon for themselves. The world wouldn’t run out of those assholes. “Why am I here?”

Leon paused for a second, as if to consider how much he should share right now, before he even knew if the other man was on board with the plan or not. Eventually he spoke, slowly, measuring every word. “Because it’s a two-man job. I can’t do this on my own.”

“Yeah I get that,” Chris huffed, “but what I don’t get is why _I_ am here. You have an entire agency full of trained people you could’ve gotten here with way less trouble. I don’t know what strings you even pulled to have me taken off the strike team, but I –”

“I think Brody is in on it,” Leon cut in, not allowing Chris to finish his sentence. 

Chris looked up at Leon, who wouldn’t quite meet his eyes. “ _Allen_ Brody? As in _your boss_?” Now that was unexpected. The man – while not exactly Leon’s boss in the strictest sense of the word, one of the highest government officials – was highly decorated, highly appreciated, and definitely not the first suspect that would’ve come to mind. Then again, the best ones were always the best liars, too. 

“None other,” Leon replied. “I’m not the only one who thinks so, but I can’t name any names now, not before we figure out who’s really in on it and who not. At the moment _everyone_ I work with is a suspect. Hell, they probably have someone doing a very thorough background check on everything I’ve done these past years, too. They’re just not telling me about it.”

Chris nodded. Made sense. It wasn’t really easy to work with the situation where everyone could be a suspect. Kind of sucked. It was elementary for surviving this job that you could trust the people you were with, the people fighting beside you, and if that was compromised…

“You see? You’re the only person I can trust with this.” Leon spoke slowly, earnestly, and for once he let the cocky façade drop. He looked up, straight into Chris’ eyes, and the pure sincerity in his eyes would’ve alone been enough to make Chris do pretty much anything. 

In his mind, Chris cursed his own way too soft heart. Damn those pretty blue eyes, too. How could he turn away when faced with such trust, something he knew wasn’t easily given. He wasn’t exactly certain how he even had managed to qualify for such high esteem in the eyes of friggin’ Leon S. Kennedy. All he knew was that he didn’t want to let him down, not in this lifetime. Damn the consequences. 

“Okay. I’m in. What’s the plan?”

*

The plan sucked. Chris had told Leon as much, but he’d only received a flippant middle-finger and a _then come up with a better one_ in return, as they headed out back into the cold again. The only part of the plan that they both agreed on was that they’d need to get a lot closer to the facility in question so that they could scope it out and set out for their next move.

Chris spent a good ten minutes cursing the wind and trying to make himself as small as possible – an impossible feat in itself – so that he’d be less of a target to it, while Leon went over to talk to the man that Chris had met on arrival. He didn’t know who the guy even was, and he made a mental note to ask about him from Leon later. 

Finally Leon waved at him to gain his attention and beckoned him to get closer. There, in the shed covered with big tarps, were two snowmobiles that were apparently going to be their transportation. “Brett already packed your stuff,” Leon said and nodded towards the large saddlebags attached on the snowmobiles. Then he smirked, holding out the keys for Chris to take. “You think you can handle these?” he asked, although they both knew that even if the answer was no Chris would never admit to it. 

“Just try to keep up,” Chris answered with a slight headshake and an eye-roll. He didn’t bother to say anything else, the damn wind still howling around them so that it was way too much effort to both talk and to manage to hear over it. Quickly he grabbed the helmet that’d been resting on the seat of the snowmobile, and busied himself getting acquainted with the vehicle. He wasn’t worried about his abilities with the snowmobile, but it had been quite a while since he’d last ridden one so he tried to keep his focus on the task at hand as they finally sped away from the small group of buildings and into the snowy landscape. 

Being more familiar with where they were going Leon took the lead, which was just fine with Chris. Even though he was freezing by the end of it, the long drive did wonders for his nerves. He didn’t need to think of anything but driving, and finally got his mind off the memories that had been bombarding him from the second that he’d stepped in through that door and set eyes on Leon. The route they took was just challenging enough to keep him on alert, and boy did he need that to clear his head. 

It still felt like a small eternity before they finally steered towards a small cabin that seemed to be smack in the middle of nowhere and served no obvious purpose. Who the hell would want to live in here? There was a small shelter that was just enough to fit their snowmobiles, side by side, and they didn’t really talk while stashing them away and attaching the tarp to keep the snow from covering the vehicles. Only when they stepped inside, after trying to shake as much snow off their shoes as possible, Chris broke the silence. “Who the hell would live _here_?”

Leon chuckled lowly. “No one in the winter, I’m told. Apparently it’s used as some kind of a hunting cabin in the season, but no one should need it for months now.” He dropped the snowmobile saddlebags on the large table, abandoning them there in favor of heading towards the fireplace. There was some firewood in the crate next to it, and he set out to get the fire going. 

“No wonder,” Chris huffed, “it’s cold as balls in here.” He busied himself looking into any and all of the cupboards in the kitchen area of the cabin, to see what they had. There was canned food, a bag of rice and some spaghetti, a couple of big canisters of water, and pretty much nothing else. Not that he had even expected this much, he would’ve figured out everything would freeze in here during the winter. 

As if he’d read his thoughts, Leon spoke up from his perch in front of the fireplace. “Brett brought the stuff here this morning, it should all be fine.” He had obviously noticed Chris rummaging through the place. It wasn’t like they could get very far from one another there. The cabin had only one room, which was divided into three so that one corner was taken up by the sizeable bed, another held the kitchen area with a hotplate and the cupboards, and the rest of the space was taken up by the sturdy wooden table and the coat rack by the door.

“Brett?” Chris asked, finally stopping his snooping to turn to look at the other man properly. “He a colleague?”

Leon gave a one-shouldered shrug without looking up, his face turned away so that it was half-hidden behind his hair. “No, not really.” No other explanation seemed to be forthcoming. Instead Leon tried another match to get the fire going, unsuccessful like the first two times. It looked almost like his hands were shaking. 

Curious, and always kind of bad at keeping his mouth shut when he wanted to know something, Chris pressed on. “A friend?” 

For a moment there was no response, and instead Leon just scratched yet another match, holding it up to the pile he’d built in the fireplace. It only fizzled and died. That somehow seemed to be the last straw. “What’s it to you?” Leon snapped, all but throwing the matchbox down in frustration. 

“Nothing,” Chris replied easily, already crossing the distance between them in three long steps. “I just figured he could’ve as well helped you with this,” he went on, reaching for the matches. As soon as he’d gotten to the fireplace the other man had all but leaped backwards to get more space between them, obviously not willing to crouch there side by side. “Since I’m _obviously_ your favorite person in the world.”

With a huff Leon sat down on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. “Are you seriously suggesting I bring a civilian on a mission rather than a trained professional?” he asked, although it was obvious he wasn’t really expecting an answer. Absently he kept rubbing his palms together, trying to warm up his fingers. It was still almost as cold inside the cabin as it was outside, and neither of them made a single move to get out of their coats. Only the hats and the thicker gloves had been discarded to the side. 

It didn’t take more than the first try for Chris to get the fire going, and he had to admit that there was some little part of him that felt a little smug for having succeeded so fast in what the other man had tried and failed. Even if it was such a tiny little thing. At least now they’d have some warmth, and maybe the place would be livable in a few hours. Electing to ignore their previous conversation, he straightened to his full height and stretched his back a little. “So what’s the timeline?”

“It should take us something like an hour on foot to get there,” Leon started, “so we should get going as soon as it gets dark. Assuming that you can learn the blueprints by then?” He arched an eyebrow as he looked at Chris, almost challengingly, and it certainly wasn’t appreciated. Usually Chris would’ve taken something like this in his stride and shot a comeback without taking offense. Now though? His pride was immediately wounded and he couldn’t help letting Leon get under his skin. 

Cursing inwardly for letting something like this get to him, Chris scowled. “Didn’t you just call me a professional?” he asked through gritted teeth, hoping he wasn’t too obviously angry. It was probably a lost cause already, but he rolled his shoulders a little and forced himself to relax at least minutely. He kicked off his shoes and dropped down into the large – and only – armchair that was next to the table. From there he could reach over to the table to grab the already familiar folder. 

“I did,” Leon admitted, and there was a bit of a grin dancing in the corner of his mouth. “But admit it, I’m the brains and you’re the brawn.” It was something he might’ve said already almost a decade earlier when they’d first met, and then it would’ve been easy for Chris to take it as the joke it was. But now somehow everything the other man said just got on his nerves, grated on him and made him want to break something.

He just scoffed, though, trying not to let it blow up into a full argument. “As if.” He threw his legs over the armrest of the chair, sitting sideways as he opened the folder to look at it properly now, to commit the things into his memory as far as he’d need to. He continuously felt eyes on him, though, and it messed with his concentration so that he noticed after a moment that he’d read the same line at least seven times already. “Now what?” he asked, not too kindly, as he frowned up at the other man.

Leon seemed a little startled, then, and immediately averted his eyes to pretend like he’d been watching the fireplace as if the flames were endlessly fascinating. “Nothing,” he replied shortly, a bit too quickly, with feigned nonchalance. 

The blueprints were detailed, and it was quite impressive how thoroughly the routes of the night guards had been mapped out, with timestamps down to the second. “This is damn good work,” Chris had to voice his compliments, as it really was top notch. “Where did you even get this?”

An answer didn’t follow immediately, and when Chris looked up Leon was just looking at him, kind of apologetically. “I…” Leon drawled, hesitating. “You’re not going to like the answer.”

Immediately Chris knew who they were talking about. _Ada_. Fucking Ada. He could feel his expression turning stormy, his mouth pressing into a stern line. “And you’re going to trust her? Have you lost your damn mind?” he barked. He did realize he was being possessive and jealous even though he had no right to. But he couldn’t deny his feelings, and trust definitely wasn’t on the table when it came to that woman.

The apologetic look on Leon’s face morphed into annoyance, and his voice was clearly strained as he spoke up. “Look, Chris… Whether you like her or not, the information I’ve gotten from her has _always_ been good. I trust her. And it’s my call.”

It wasn’t that Chris didn’t trust Leon’s judgment. Overall he did. Yet he had seen, firsthand, the kind of hold she’d had on him, and he wasn’t sure that it was entirely gone. “Seriously? She could tell you that the moon is made of cheese and you’d swallow that shit down without a second thought!”

“Oh, fuck you,” Leon spat out, already on his feet and obviously upset. “I’m not an idiot. Give me some credit.”

“Maybe you should try to earn it next time.” Already when speaking Chris knew he was being unfair but it wasn’t like he could take it back. Not when the words already hung there in the air between them, heavy as lead.

Leon opened his mouth to say something, cheeks flushed with anger and brows knitted into a frown. Instead of speaking up though he let his mouth fall shut again, leaving the cabin in a few long steps, all but slamming the door behind himself. 

It left Chris alone, stewing in his own annoyance. He tried not to let it affect himself too much, biting his lower lip hard to regain focus. Maybe he _had_ been a little unfair… He knew that there had been something between Leon and Ada, back before Chris had even met either one of them. What it had been, that he wasn’t exactly certain of. It had been the one topic that they had never discussed, ever. If he’d as much as mentioned her name Leon had clammed up and closed off, clearly indicating that the topic was off limits. 

Even back then, it had annoyed Chris, and now he noticed it was even worse. It certainly didn’t help that he had still been gutted after Leon had left him, when he’d heard through Claire that there were rumors of Leon working with none other than Ada. And when they were working together… who knew what else there might’ve been. Claire definitely wouldn’t have even told him if she’d known about the break up – or the preceding relationship, for that matter – at all.

It was stupid, anyway. It wasn’t like he had any right to interfere. They’d had their chance, and it had ended the way it had. With Leon walking away from him, obviously tired of Chris and looking for new adventures. Too bad that Chris had already managed to sink in too deep.

With a deep sigh, Chris finally forced the thoughts into the back of his mind, focusing back on the files he hadn’t managed to memorize in the slightest. He’d need to get his shit together so they could get this done and he could get the hell out of here as fast as he possibly could.

*

Chris had managed to go through the essentials from the folder several times, memorizing enough of them in the process if one asked him, by the time Leon got back. He didn’t say a single word to Chris but instead dropped an armful of firewood next to the fireplace, before crouching down to feed the fire. It was already beginning to be warmer inside, enough that he discarded his winter coat and gloves on the edge of the bed.

“It’s snowing pretty hard,” he commented after a while, still watching the flames rather than his companion. “I don’t know if we can make it tonight.” He didn’t exactly sound happy about it, but he was pragmatic and knew better. They weren’t in immediate danger, nor were they on a tight enough deadline that it would’ve made sense to go out there and get lost in a snow storm.

“Fine by me,” Chris replied in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone, truly not attempting to pick a fight. “Should we try to take the 4 am window, if the snow eases up, or wait until tomorrow evening in any case?” He held the other man’s gaze, barely even blinking, as if he had a point to prove.

Leon turned to him and looked surprised, even a little bit impressed, that Chris already seemed to have learned the materials so well. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, before giving a small shrug. “The 11 pm one is better, if you ask me. Three whole minutes more, those can be lifesaving seconds.”

“Sure.” He glanced outside. It had gotten dark, but at the same time the snowstorm didn’t ease up. That seemed to be their cue to turn in for the night. They could go through the plan with fresh brains the next day, as they waited for the better opportunity to act. 

He was already about to suggest they try to catch some sleep when Leon suddenly broke the silence that had fallen between them. “How’s Claire?” It wasn’t exactly a surprise he brought up Chris’ sister, after all the two of them shared quite an ordeal and had been really close friends after that. 

“Fine,” Chris answered shortly, trying to play for time as he thought back on what he’d last spoken with her about. “She got promoted back in April, and moved to a bigger apartment. And she has a new boyfriend, I think. Something so new I haven’t even met him yet.” He wasn’t exactly sure how much Leon knew, as he had no idea how often he and Claire stayed in contact. Apparently it wasn’t so often, though, as all of the information seemed to be new to Leon.

Slowly Leon nodded, leaning back against the kitchen countertops. “I’m glad she’s good,” he said softly, even with a small smile caressing his lips. It made him look softer, younger, almost vulnerable, and that made something flare up inside of Chris. Something he squashed down with determination, though. 

“I would’ve thought you’d know,” Chris said, voicing his earlier confusion. “Aren’t you like her best friend or something? How often do you talk to her?” If he didn’t know about Claire’s new promotion, it meant that the two hadn’t spoken in …half a year. That seemed like a long time for friends. Not that Chris would know how regular friendships were, really, he worked with practically all of his friends. 

There wasn’t an immediate answer, as if Leon considered if he could just ignore the questions altogether and hope they’d just go away. He knew Chris better than that, though, and chose to answer at least something before a reply would be coaxed out of him. “It’s been a while. It’s better for her.”

That wasn’t what Chris had expected, and it probably showed clear as day on his face. “Better for her?” he asked, incredulous. “What the hell, Leon? You–”

“Am not exactly good friendship material,” Leon finished the sentence for the other man. He didn’t even sound like he was making a big deal out of it, it was more that he simply thought he was stating facts. And that made all of it all the more heartbreaking. “I’d just fuck it up so it’s probably better to just slowly let it die.”

Chris grit his teeth, eyes closed for a moment as he tried to regain self-control instead of snapping something he’d regret later. “Sometimes I _swear_ you intentionally _try_ to make me mad,” he huffed, voice strained as he tried to keep it level. He knew that he was a part of the problem, allowing his buttons to be pushed so easily, but still it felt like Leon was just …searching for all the sore spots and mercilessly poking at them. He didn’t even know where he could begin to address all that.

“Trust me, it just keeps happening.” Leon answered so silently it was barely audible. He cleared his throat, speaking up a little bit louder after. “Get some sleep.” He got up from the bed where he’d been sitting for the most part of the evening, heading into the kitchen area. He grabbed a kettle, mumbling something about living in the 19th century as he started to fill it with water. 

For a moment Chris stood there, confused, eyeing the bed and then the other man and then the bed again. Eventually he just blurted out what was on his mind. “So, how did you figure this would work?” 

The question seemed to take Leon by surprise, and for a second he blinked at Chris before he seemed to realize what the problem was. The embarrassed flush that spread on his neck and his cheeks was barely there, only for the trained eye to notice. “I…” he drawled, sheepishly, avoiding eye-contact, “I don’t really… sleep. You go ahead. I’ll just. Make coffee and go through the floor plan once more, or whatever. I’ll keep busy.”

“What the fuck, Leon?” Chris raised his voice before he managed to stop himself. It wasn’t exactly news to him that Leon had troubles sleeping, he knew there was a long history of that with all the destructive self-medications included. But it had never been quite like this. Not to the point where Leon just stated bluntly that he had no intentions on even trying to sleep. Not knowing what else to do, Chris masked his worry into anger, hoping it would get through to the other man. “Do you honestly expect me to trust your aim and your reflexes if you haven’t slept in …what? Days? I’m not going to put my life on the line if you’re anything less than at the top of your game.”

They stared at each other, as if trying to force one another to give in with the power of mere stubbornness. Eventually Chris spoke so low it was almost a growl. “It’s only one night, we’ll just share the bed. C’mon. We can be adults about this.” Had he paused to think about it he wouldn’t have been so sure if he could actually do that, but as per usual, he spoke before thinking.

Leon hesitated. He didn’t seem angry, thankfully, but a little taken aback if nothing else. Finally he just caved in. “I– …fine.” Gingerly Leon took the very edge of the bed, still fully dressed. All he’d done was kicked off his shoes. He looked like he wasn’t even going to breathe, as he tried to stay so still. 

_Fucking A_ , Chris thought, _this was going to be a long night_.

Still, without a word, he quickly stripped down to a t-shirt and changed into comfier pants, getting ready for bed. He wasn’t really picky where and how he slept, but he’d be damned if he’d make this a bigger problem than it was. He’d shared close sleeping quarters with his team more than once, and it had never been an issue for any of them. Why should it be now? He could be a professional about this, even if his current companion was acting like a petulant child.

It took long before Chris managed to find a position he felt comfortable in and wasn’t in direct contact with Leon, respecting his personal space. Like said, he was a good sleeper though, and as soon as he settled down he was already down for the count. Maybe the night wouldn’t be as big a disaster as he’d feared.

*

When Chris stirred awake, the first thing he thought about was how full his bladder was and how he needed to pee _so badly_. He was already halfway up when he realized something else: Leon was actually asleep. That surprised him more than he would’ve thought, as somehow it had both sounded and looked like the man didn’t really have any intentions to even try to get some rest.

It was nice, though, Chris thought inwardly, how for the first time since they’d met up again Leon seemed relaxed and like he wasn’t carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Smiling softly to himself Chris moved as carefully as he possibly could, not to break the moment and ruin everything. He wasn’t exactly the stealthiest person on the planet, but after this he could give himself a good pat on the back. Not only he managed to go outside without waking the other man up, but also managed to get back inside and settle back down on his side of the bed.

Leon did shift a little in his sleep, but then relaxed again, and if his even breaths were any indication he was still very much out of it. Still tired, Chris would’ve rather fallen back asleep immediately, but somehow sleep eluded him and he just staid there, on his back, staring at the ceiling and listening to Leon breathing. 

He remembered when they’d gotten together: it had been only physical at first, but even then Chris wouldn’t have minded if Leon had stayed overnight and they’d slept side by side after burning out their energy. Yet it had taken Leon literal months before he’d agreed to stay overnight. Even then, he’d been tense and nervous, never going an evening without a drink or two… or more. 

Chris on the other hand had always been a cuddly person, even more so after all he’d been though. He drew comfort in being close to someone else, slept easier knowing he wasn’t alone. It had been such a victory for him when Leon had, for the first time ever, actually snuggled closer to him and stayed without having to be coaxed into it. The little sparks of joy that he’d felt then were like etched into his memory, and he couldn’t help but smile at the mere thought. 

The smile dropped a second later when his mind scrolled further, into the heartbreak and loneliness. Shit, he hadn’t had a real, proper relationship after that. Not even one. The longest he’d been with someone had been a few weeks and it hadn’t even gotten past casual sex every now and then. 

With a sigh he rolled onto his side, now openly watching Leon instead of staring at the ceiling. What the hell was it about this guy that still had such a hold over him? A part of him wanted to just lean in and gather Leon into his arms, to keep him close and pretend that nothing had ever gone wrong between them. But it wasn’t what Leon wanted. He’d made that very clear.

At some point Chris had obviously drifted off, as the next time he opened his eyes he was alone in bed, and sun was shining brightly outside. With a groan he rolled off the mattress and onto his feet, padding over to the kitchen area on autopilot. There was coffee, he knew it already from the smell before he found the coffeepot. Immediately he poured himself a mugful, taking a long sip even though it was so hot he nearly burned his tongue in the process. 

The next second the door opened and Leon stepped inside, already shrugging off his coat. “You found the coffee,” he greeted the older man, giving him a faint grin, “good. There’s not much for breakfast, unless you want instant noodles or a protein bar?” He kicked off his shoes, not to get all of the snow inside, and headed straight towards the fireplace. The fire had gone out during the night, but it was still warm enough in the cabin. Wouldn’t be for long, though, unless they did something about it.

Chris took another sip of coffee, before rummaging through their ratios to see what they had. Nothing fresh, unfortunately, and nothing that really said ‘breakfast’ to him. He opted for a protein bar, then, ripping the wrapper open with his teeth before taking a huge bite. It wasn’t that bad, he could live off it for a couple of days. He couldn’t wait to get some proper food after, though. 

Silently he observed Leon for a moment. The man looked good, almost chipper by his standards, and had obviously slept well enough. A cocky comment about it was on the tip of Chris’ tongue already, as it obviously was his doing. He had been the one to demand they both get some shut-eye. He didn’t want to break the mood, though, as for once they weren’t arguing or getting on each other’s nerves, like they had been all of the previous night. It was …almost nice.

Of course it couldn’t last for long. 

There was no TV, no cell reception, no books and no magazines, really just nothing to keep them entertained after they’d gone through the plans again enough times to have them memorized. In their line of work it was nothing new to have to wait around every now and then, but being cooped up inside without anything to do didn’t really bring out the best in either of them. 

They kept bickering about every little thing, from how the fireplace should be tended to how Leon thought Chris never closed the door quick enough and let all the warmth out, from the correct way to prepare the instant noodles to how strong the coffee should be. Most of those things neither of them really even cared about, under normal circumstances. Yet now they all felt like gigantic problems that one just couldn’t get over.

Eventually they settled as far from one another as possible, while both still staying inside the warmth of the cabin. Leon had spent the majority of his day basically slumped over the table, looking like he was bored out of his mind. Several paces away, Chris was lying on the floor with his feet propped up against the bed, and kept mindlessly throwing a wadded up pair of socks in the air and catching it. 

Chris had been at it for a good while, and didn’t even notice that Leon had finally moved, not until his makeshift ball was caught mid-air and thrown on the bed instead. He looked up, meeting Leon’s gaze with his own. “What?”

“Let’s move,” Leon nodded towards the window, and only then Chris realized that it had fallen dark outside. 

“Fucking finally!” In mere seconds Chris was up on his feet, already gathering up everything he needed to take along. The mission was all about stealth, sneaking in and sneaking out – admittedly not one of Chris’ strong suits, but he’d deal – so they didn’t need that much firepower. A couple of handguns and a combat knife for each of them should probably do the trick. Hopefully they wouldn’t need to use any of that, and would get in and out undetected. 

It was so dark outside that it was difficult to see where to step, so that they wouldn’t end up tumbling off a cliff or falling on their faces in the snow after tripping on something. It had been snowing so much they were almost knee-deep in it, making walking much more a chore than it otherwise would’ve been. 

There was a hill they had to get over, and neither of them really appreciated going uphill, but it was sort of compensated by how the higher they got the more the wind had blown the snow away, making it less of a struggle to get through. More than once Leon cursed the fact that they didn’t have snow shoes, but then again, neither of them was really practiced at walking with them so it might not have made that much of a difference. 

The air still hung heavy between them, too. They hadn’t had any major arguments but the disagreements from earlier in the day were still somewhere in the back of their minds, affecting them more than either of them would’ve liked. So they made most of their trek towards the facility quietly, only the creaking of the snow underneath their boots breaking the silence. 

A bit before they reached their destination the heavy clouds receded, revealing the full moon that cast light on their path. It was incredible how much light the moon could bring, especially compared to the complete darkness they’d just been enveloped in. Thankfully there were some trees they could take shelter from, in their attempt to sneak as close to the building as possible without being seen. 

“Over there, by that spruce,” Leon said, wheezing a little, as they’d just climbed up the steepest part of their path. He moved to pass by Chris, but almost lost his footing already the next step. Chris’ reflexes were as practiced as ever, and effortlessly he grabbed a hold of Leon’s waist to keep him upright. It brought them way too close together, though, their sides pressed together, and for a second it caused them both to freeze.

They blinked at each other for one heartbeat, and Chris could’ve sworn he saw something flicker in Leon’s eyes, something that made his heart constrict and something dangerously like hope blossom somewhere in the depths of it.

Then it was over as soon as it had started. Leon practically jumped forward, swatting Chris’ hand away in an annoyed gesture. “I’m going to go around to see if the guards are behind schedule,” he said, voice strained and thin, but all business. “You stay here. The spruce.” He nodded towards the tree as if to underline his command, but didn’t stay behind to see if Chris had understood, instead marching off as swiftly as he managed in the snow. 

Chris did as he’d been told, waiting patiently. He used the time to dig out his binoculars, trying to see if the guards really ran the perimeter of the facility like they’d been told. They were basically walking in semi-circles, one on the roof of the building and one around it inside the fence. Or that’s at least what they _should_ have done. In reality there seemed to be absolutely no one there. That was more than a little suspicious, and immediately Chris had a bad feeling about this. 

Soon enough Leon reappeared, an uneasy frown on his face. “Did you see anyone?” he asked as soon as he was so close he didn’t have to raise his voice. As Chris shook his head, Leon’s frown deepened even more. “It’s not what I’d been told. Although they seem to rely heavily on location… Maybe they thought no one would find them here?”

He was speaking more to himself than anything, but Chris answered him anyway. “With all due respect, I don’t think they’d be that big morons.” He pointed towards the large building, looming menacingly against the black night sky. “If they hold samples of key viruses in there? There’d better be some high class security. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night and the place is otherwise empty, if I was in charge there’d be at least half a dozen guards outside alone.”

“Good then that you’re not in charge,” Leon griped, clearly annoyed. “C’mon, this place stayed completely off the radar and hidden for over two years before we heard the first whispers about it. Maybe they just suck.”

“Yeah, or maybe it’s a trap and we’re walking straight into our deaths,” Chris argued. He knew that it was unlikely anyone was expecting them, and maybe there was a logical explanation to the lack of guarding outside. Yet he couldn’t shake the weird feeling he got about the place, and he wasn’t exactly willing to run headfirst into danger if he didn’t absolutely have to. “I say we back down and redraw the plan. Who knows what else is wrong with the intel?”

“ _No_.” Leon’s voice was firm, inviting no disagreements, as was the glare he sent Chris’ way. Something about his body language was uneasy…almost nervous, as if he did see the point that the other man was making but for one reason or another wasn’t willing to back down. The set of his jaw was tense, and the tension reflected into the tone of his voice, too. “Absolutely not. I’m not going to let a strike of good luck stop me.” 

Chris groaned. “Leon, seriously –”

“No. Stop.” Apparently that was the wrong approach to take, as Leon immediately grabbed his gun and turned, already withdrawing further from Chris. “The information is good. There’s no way she’s luring me into a trap. I’m going in.” The words were clipped, as if he had to use all of his self-control to even get them out in the first place. And he didn’t even wait for a reply before he was already advancing.

“Fuck this,” Chris muttered to himself, shaking his head. He could already feel a headache coming, but at the same time he knew that he couldn’t let Leon go in there alone. Not because he didn’t trust the man, or believe he couldn’t handle himself, but… It just wasn’t an option. “Wait, I’m coming,” he said out loud then, trying to keep his voice low enough just in case someone was guarding the place after all and would notice it. 

They made it all the way to the side entrance without any interruptions, though, without even a hint of someone being there other than the two of them. The guards certainly didn’t follow the pattern that had been in the file they’d learned, and it still seemed like there were none to begin with. Leon went straight for the door, fumbling with the keycard he had already opened the gate with to get the door open, too. 

The first try didn’t work out, the door only flashed a red light and it made Leon curse under his breath. Chris watched him switch the card to another, frowning at the entire exchange. “Where did those come from?”

Briefly Leon looked up, meeting his gaze straight. “I’m _not_ going to fight about this again.” That was it, he didn’t say anything more, and that was more telling than any words would’ve been. Of course, where else. The same place, the same _person_ , that the obviously wrong information had come from. 

Chris tried, he really did try, to keep his temper in check but he couldn’t help himself. The mere thought of Leon having so much faith in Ada made him more annoyed than he had any right to be. “Screw you,” he hissed, “You know I’m just trying to keep you safe!”

That made Leon snap. The door clicked open, but he paid that no mind, instead taking a menacing step towards Chris. “ _That_ is _not_ your job! Your job is to help me find out who the fuck is hiding bioweapons here instead of destroying them properly. Stop _doubting_ me, and for once try to be helpful!” His eyes were blazing, anger apparent in them, but he took a deep breath and after that his voice was at least a little steadier. “Now, move.” He nudged Chris forward, and the man obeyed without a single word, still reeling. 

Was that what Leon thought he was doing? Not trusting him? That couldn’t have been further from the truth. If there was one person Chris trusted with his _life_ , it was Leon. But at the same time he couldn’t help but worry, almost to the point of being irrational. Maybe they really shouldn’t have been working together… His judgment was obviously corrupted. 

With a sigh he decided to let it go, for now, focusing on the task at hand.


	2. the faster you run the closer it comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i said the other chapters were almost done so here you go, number two out of three. featuring such classic tropes as 'accidental cuddling', 'chris is forever too big for sneaking in vents' and 'emotionally constipated men talk about feelings'. THEY (kinda) HOLD HANDS. 
> 
> as a disclaimer, i'm a finn and we get tons and tons of snow here each winter, so snow is something i'm quite familiar with. everything in the chapter is thus at least plausible, even if it's not probable :'D idk we finally got rid of snow and made it into proper spring and then i start writing about winter what the...

Without any further complications – or arguments – they got inside the research facility, and headed straight towards the control room. The place was eerily silent, the corridors empty and dim, to the point that they switched on their flashlights to see where they were going. There were security cameras, but they seemed to be all dead. 

Even the control room was dark, when they reached it. The monitors were black, the computers switched off and silent. “Fucking hell,” Chris swore, taking in the empty room around them. Once they had confirmed that they were alone in there, he set out to find the backup power generators he knew would be there, somewhere. It didn’t take him long to locate the standby generator, and he was adept enough to get it running in minutes. Not that it was that difficult.

Nevertheless, Leon looked almost impressed, giving the other man a small grin. “Good work. I guess you do have flashes of genius, too.” It was like he was extending an olive branch, a peace offering, willing to ignore the previous disagreements at least for now. 

“What do you mean ‘too’?” Chris replied, unable to resist. “I haven’t seen you show any signs of genius yet.” He got up and dusted his hands on his pants, grinning widely. It felt good to be complimented, even so shortly, and he wasn’t going to play it down for anyone’s sake.

Laughing Leon shook his head. “Just keep paying attention.” The smile disappeared as soon as it had appeared, though, and he was all business again. They made sure that the monitors were running, the system rebooting, and assessed what they had in their disposal. The counter on one of the monitors showed it’d take over fifteen minutes for the cameras to be up and running. The inside locking mechanisms were ready much sooner, and that was the main thing they needed.

Working efficiently Leon started detaching the screws from a grid that covered the vent in the room. It’d be his pathway to the inner part of the facility. “When I reach the sample rooms,” he said, making a triumphant little sound as he finally managed to unscrew the lid and pull it off, “you’ll have to open the doors from here. I don’t have keycards to any of the doors inside the actual research wing. Remember the code?”

“8-6-5-2-8-9-4-8,” Chris recited obediently. He shifted uneasily on his feet, not really enjoying this. He would’ve much rather followed Leon into the inner wing, but there was no way he would fit into the vent, not with his shoulders. It made sense for him to stay here, it was the sole reason Leon had needed someone else with him here, but he still would’ve preferred to stay side by side. 

“Good,” Leon flashed a grin, even winked at Chris good-naturedly. “Wish me luck.” With that, he grabbed the edge of the ventilation shaft and hoisted himself up into it, his movements well-practiced and enviably smooth. It was like he wasn’t even struggling to lift himself up there. 

“Good luck,” Chris whispered, knowing that it was already too late and that Leon wasn’t hearing him. He meant it from the bottom of his heart, though. He took a second to just breathe in, telling himself to get a grip, but then dug out the receiver they’d connected to the old but functional earpiece Leon was wearing. “Do you copy?”

There was static at first, but then a familiar voice spoke up. “ _Yeah I’m here. Let me scope out the situation, I’ll let you know in a minute._ ” There was some more static and rustling, as he was obviously on the move. 

“Roger that,” Chris replied shortly, turning back towards the control panels to keep himself busy and make himself useful. The cameras were booting back up, but sadly they started from the outer perimeter instead of from the inside of the facility. The ones pointed at the front gate and the yard were already up, filming nothing but snow and empty landscape. 

There was another rustle from the radio, before Leon’s voice sounded again. “ _There’s absolutely no one here_ ,” he said, but it was impossible to tell how he felt about it through all the static. “ _Just… empty rooms_.” He paused for a second. “ _Okay, I’m ready. Open up._ ”

Obediently Chris punched in the code, and the computer accepted it without a hiccup. At least that bit of the information was correct, then. Maybe he had been unfair in assuming it was all a trap… He had no time to say anything, though, not before there was a loud bang and the rattle of gunshots exploding through the static of the radio. He thought he heard Leon curse, too, but he couldn’t be sure.

Instantly Chris was on alert. “Leon! What’s going on?” He tried, but gained no reply. None at all, not even when he repeated himself, several times. ”C’mon talk to me!” As no reply was forthcoming he already started weighing his options. The vent was a no-go, but maybe he could work the doors open from here and take the traditional route through the corridors. There was obviously something there, and he cursed himself for not taking on more heavy weaponry, just in case. 

Then, suddenly, the radio perked to life again, Leon’s voice back. “ _Get ready to pull back! They’re fucking_ everywhere!” He sounded breathless, like he’d been running, and somewhere _way too close_ to him there was an enraged roar. 

“Just get your ass back here!” Chris ordered, knowing full well that that was exactly what the other man was trying to do. “Are you hurt?” He asked, but got no reply, and resisted the urge to ask again immediately. Rationally he knew it was only minutes, but it felt so much longer until he could hear Leon in the vent – hopefully alone – rapidly approaching. 

Still it took him by surprise when Leon all but fell from the vent. Reflexively, without thinking what he was doing, Chris managed to react and catch the other man in his arms. It was like from a movie, bridal-style and all. Chris stumbled backwards until his back hit the wall, air pushed from his lungs with the force of the impact as Leon wasn’t exactly light as feather despite being a slighter build than Chris himself. 

“I didn’t make it to the files,” Leon said, breathlessly. He didn’t make a move to push himself off Chris, to get away from his hold, just went on explaining as if he hadn’t noticed the position they were in. “They’re all in the corridors at the research wing, at least three dozen of them! We’ll have to come back, to get the files and to take them down!”

“Take _who_ down?” Chris asked, dreading the answer. None of the possibilities was a good one. Distantly he realized he was still holding Leon up, and although a part of him wanted to cling on and never let go, he did the rational thing and set the other man down to his own two feet. 

“Take your pick,” Leon laughed, almost hysterically, “there’s fucking _everything_.” He didn’t seem to be paying any mind to what had just happened between them, but only waved at Chris to follow him. “Well, everything human-sized that moves on two feet and doesn’t do much climbing, at least from what I saw, so I don’t think they’re following me. We should still get the hell out of here.”

Chris didn’t need to be told twice. Quickly he shut off the generators before they retreated the same route they’d taken in, knowing they’d need to get back to the cabin and regroup, get more weapons and ammunition before they could try this again. At least now they knew what was expecting them in there. Less to worry about in terms of being noticed and shot, more in terms of being ripped to shreds and eaten. Whichever one preferred.

The moon was still out, casting light and long shadows, and wordlessly they decided to follow in their own footsteps. They’d already made a path in the snow and it would be considerably easier to take advantage of that instead of forcing their way through a new route. It was snowing already, even though for now it was just slow, fluffy snowflakes fluttering towards the ground. 

Eventually Leon broke the silence that had lasted between them ever since they ran. “I didn’t spot a single living soul, but then again I ran pretty fast when I saw what they were.” He grimaced. “What the hell happened here? It’s like the entire staff just… got random infections one day.” Of course some of the infections spread easily, that wasn’t the part that was hard to believe. But the place was a literal cemetery, full of dead people. Only those dead people walked around, trying to find anything to kill. 

“You okay?” Chris asked, not commenting on the question but voicing one of his own. He was walking behind Leon, and had been trying to scan the other man’s appearance the best he could to scope for injury. Leon moved swiftly, without a limp, and didn’t seem to be bleeding from anywhere visible, at least. Maybe he really had gotten off with only a scare.

Leon glanced at Chris from over his shoulder. “Yeah, fine.” He didn’t elaborate on that, just turned back ahead and even quickened his pace. “Don’t think about it.”

Somehow being dismissed like that got on Chris’ nerves. “Any other thoughts you’d like to forbid now that you’re at it? Huh?” he asked before he could hold back, annoyance clear as day in his voice. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally think anything the great agent Kennedy disapproves of.” The bite to his voice was enough to make him almost wish he could take it back. Almost. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Leon asked, but barely slowed down. It was beginning to snow harder and he wanted the hell out of here, inside somewhere where it was warm and not raining wet splotches of snow in his face. “Stop twisting everything I say.”

“Maybe you should try to listen to yourself,” Chris griped, “since you’re being so _annoying_ half the time. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here with you.” That wasn’t entirely true, as he wouldn’t have left now, no chance in hell. He’d stick by Leon through this no matter how infuriating the younger man was being, intentionally or not. 

“Look, here’s the deal,” Leon burst out, spinning on his heels to face Chris properly. The movement left them face to face, only inches apart, and not even the wind that was picking up around them distorted the spoken words at this distance. ”I don't actually know what I've done to make you hate me so much, but I don't even _care_ anymore! Either get over it, or fuck off and leave me alone.”

 _I don’t hate you. That’s the very problem_ , Chris thought, but didn’t say any of it out loud. Not unless his eyes betrayed his emotions, as to him it felt like he was broadcasting them loud and clear just by the way he was staring at Leon like he was the best thing in the world. Any and all other feelings were overshadowed by disbelief though, and slowly Chris shook his head. “You don’t _know_? Jesus fucking Christ, Leon, how fucking stupid are you?”

Leon honest to god flinched, eyes widening in surprise, and he seemed to be completely frozen in the spot.

Somehow the lack of arguing back made the floodgates break inside of Chris. Suddenly he was talking, pouring his heart out, not managing to stop. “What the hell did you expect? That I’d just shrug off that you walked away from me without warning, without explanations, without _anything_. You just,” he took a deep breath to calm himself, noticing how his voice was rising as he got more and more angry, “you literally just get out of bed and say ‘ _I think we’re done with this, don’t you_?’ like it’s the easiest thing in the world!”

Silently Leon tried to interrupt. “Chris, I –”

“No, shut up. You fucking broke my fucking heart. Ripped it out of my chest and _stomped_ on it, like everything we’d gone through was just some… meaningless tryst that kept you entertained for a while, but when I got too clingy you just fucking pushed me off a cliff.” Chris stopped only to take a breath, but now that he’d gotten started there was no stopping him. “And then you hardly even speak to me for god knows how long, until you fucking _vanish_ , don’t even contact me for _three years_ , and then drag me out here on some bullshit mission like it’s nothing?! You couldn’t even let me know you were fucking _alive_ when you got back from Spain! I had to ask Claire if you’d gotten home in one piece or in a fucking bodybag.”

Bewildered didn’t even begin to describe Leon’s face as he stared at Chris dumbly. “It’s not –”

Impatiently Chris cut him off again. “It’s not _what_? It’s not fair? No it’s not. You led me on. You –”

“I was falling for you, okay!” Now it was Leon’s turn to interrupt. His voice was so loud it seemed to surprise even himself. Nevertheless he pressed on. “And it fucking _terrified_ me. Still does. I had to get away before … before I got in too deep.” He paused, his voice quieting down. “Seriously. You could have anything and _anyone_ you want. I’m not delusional enough to think you would’ve wanted to stick with me, eventually.”

“Fuck you,” Chris barked, voice cracking. He wasn’t ready to let go of the anger, not yet, it was the only thing he could use to shield himself. “Is that how much you trust me!? Did you just spend that entire time waiting for me to one day decide I’m done? Waiting for me to walk away?”

Leon didn’t reply, but his face told clearly that had been exactly what he’d done. 

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe _you_. I…” Chris trailed off, not knowing what to even say. 

“See?” Leon shrugged, face blank and all emotion gone from his voice. He spun around, taking several quick steps away, and the wind almost drowned out his words completely. “You would’ve figured it out eventually, and regretted the time you’d wasted. Now, I just saved us both –”

His words were cut off completely by a surprised yelp, as suddenly the ground gave way underneath him. One second he was there, a couple of meters in front of Chris walking away from him, and the next second he was gone, out of sight entirely, and that immediately sent Chris into full panic mode. “Leon!?” he shouted as he bolted forward, only realizing after he’d moved how stupid it had been to rush in without assessing the situation first. 

There was a ledge that had been covered in snow but now was completely bare of it, save for the new snowflakes that kept falling. Apparently the snow had been packed by the wind so that it looked like the ledge was wider than it actually was, and when Leon had stepped too close to the edge his weight had been enough to make the snow-floor collapse. 

It didn’t take more than a few seconds for Chris to figure out what was going on, even with his panicked state of mind, and he easily found a way around the ledge down to where Leon had fallen. There was nothing but a pile of snow in there, no sight of the other man, and that sent Chris’ heart hammering in his throat. 

“Leon! Answer me!” he tried, although the rational part of his mind knew that there would be no reply. Even in the snowfall it was easy to spot the pile of disturbed snow, and Chris knew he had maybe fifteen minutes if Leon had been completely buried underneath it, before he’d run out of oxygen and that – that just _was not_ an option. At least he hadn’t fallen from too high, it was only a few feet, and that shouldn’t be too bad, all things considered. Not even the snow would get too tightly packed.

Frantically Chris began digging through the snow with his hands, as of course he didn’t have a shovel or anything else he could viably use for digging. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, his heartbeat thundering, and he barely noticed anything around him as he was laser-focused on digging. On finding Leon. As fast as possible. And throughout it all he kept yelling for Leon to answer him. 

With an incredible stroke of luck, his hands soon met something solid, and as he swept some more snow aside he realized that it was Leon’s elbow. Now knowing which way to work, he got rid of the pile of snow on top of Leon’s head and shoulders in no time, relaxing minutely as soon as he finally laid eyes on the familiar features, even though the man seemed unconscious. “Oh fuck, Leon, don’t ever scare me like this again,” he breathed out, searching for a pulse with shaking fingers. “Please _please_ don’t be dead.”

Never in his life had Chris been as relieved as when he managed to find the steady heartbeat. He could’ve cried, right then and there. “Don’t you fucking dare die on me, I can’t do this without you.” He didn’t really know what he referred to with ‘this’. Probably to life in general.

But he knew that they weren’t out of the water yet. He’d need to get Leon uncovered and inside before he’d get hypothermic, and he had no idea how long they’d already been out here. It was much harder to get his lower body out of the pile of snow, and it felt like an eternity before Chris managed to pull Leon completely free from the snowy trap. It felt like even longer before he got them back to the cabin. Leon was dead weight, and although in better circumstances Chris wouldn’t have had that much troubles carrying him, it was all different when every step he took was in almost knee-deep snow and with the storm picking up around them. 

He was sweating heavily despite the cold by the time they got back to the cabin and he finally managed to maneuver the door open. It already felt heavenly to be inside and out of the icy wind. They’d had a fire going throughout the night and most of the day, and the cabin was still warm enough, but inwardly Chris decided he’d need to light a new fire as soon as he got Leon warmed up. 

A lot of snow had made its way inside Leon’s coat, and gotten his shirts wet. That certainly didn’t help the situation in the least, and Chris knew the shirts needed to go. He managed to get the coat off Leon easily enough, but the shirts gave him hell to the point that he just managed to get them entangled. Cursing to himself he grabbed the sharpest knife he had. “I hope these aren’t your favorite,” he joked weakly as he cut through the fabric, careful not to scratch skin in the process. 

The pants seemed to be dry enough, so as soon as the shirts were gone Chris quickly just pulled off Leon’s shoes, and then grabbed all the blankets he could find, bundling Leon up in them to the best of his abilities. He knew that he shouldn’t try to warm Leon up too quickly, to avoid putting unnecessary strain on his heart, so he hoped that this was good enough. At least it felt good to be able to do something, _anything_ instead of only waiting. 

To keep himself busy, Chris set out to attend the fireplace next. He had to go outside to get more firewood, and apparently his nerves still made his hands shaky as somehow he managed to drop the entire bundle of wood the second he stepped back inside. It scattered around on the floor with loud clatter, but the only sound in all of that he really noticed was the pained groan from the direction of the bed. “Leon?” in a flash he was next to him, checking if he was okay. 

“Cut off that infernal racket, won’t you,” Leon mumbled, barely coherently, drawling his vowels in a way that wasn’t usual for him. Other than that, he did look much better. He was awake, which was the main thing, and he had shuffled a little to find a better position in his pile of blankets. “I think I hit my head.”

“Yeah you did,” Chris replied, grinning like a loon. He was so relieved he couldn’t stop himself from laughing, the sound erupting without his permission. “You took a dive straight off a cliff and I had to dig you out from a mountain of snow. Had half a mind to leave you there,” he joked, although they both knew already from the tone of his voice that he didn’t mean the last part. Never in a million years. 

It did manage to make Leon crack a smile, a small one but clearly there. “Too late for that now,” he replied. It seemed to be a little hard for him to focus enough to talk, but he managed to push past it to get the words out. “Do you have painkillers? My head is splitting.”

Chris jumped up and stepped over the firewood strewn all across the floor to his bag, and rummaged through it until he found the first aid kit he always had with him. He got two pills from it, took some water from the canister into a plastic cup, and returned to the bed, where Leon was already trying to sit up straight. “Hey, hey!” Chris raised his voice, stopping the movement with a large palm on Leon’s chest. “Stop. You should rest. Here, take these.”

The fact that Leon didn’t resist, but instead just downed the pills and all of the water, immediately settling back down on the mattress after, had Chris a little worried if he was being honest. It wasn’t really usual for the man to be this compliant. Especially when it was about his own well-being. “Anything else hurt?” he asked carefully.

“My pride,” Leon answered immediately. He grinned, apparently happy with his own joke, and let his eyes fall shut. “No I’m fine. Cold as fuck, and the headache. That’s it.”

Hearing him mention the cold made Chris finally remember the fireplace. “Let me know if that changes,” he said, already getting to work clearing the floor and setting up a proper fire to get more warmth into the cabin. He finally got rid of his own coat, and kicked off his boots to replace them with thick socks, and when the fire was crackling happily in the fireplace he gingerly took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

For a second he got lost in his thoughts, just watching the other man rest. Leon looked years younger when he was still, eyes closed and features relaxed, and Chris had an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch his face, his neck, his hair, anything he could reach just to reassure himself that the danger had passed and that the man was fine. 

“Stop staring at me,” Leon mumbled, making Chris jump guiltily. It only seemed to amuse him, though, and he cracked one eye open to peer at the other man, smirking. “I know I’m a sight to behold, but don’t you have anything better to do?”

“No, not really,” Chris shrugged, deciding to roll with it. “I mean, there was this mission, but my partner decided to pull this stupid stunt and get himself injured so that’s it for a while.” He glanced towards the window, the snowstorm picking up outside so that even though it was in the middle of the day it had gotten really dark. “I don’t think the weather is on our side, either.”

“Good.” Leon closed his eyes again, relaxing further into the bedding. “I’m tired.” He barely got the words out before he seemed to already be asleep. 

Frantically Chris went through his mind for any information on whether he could let a person sleep after they’d possibly had a concussion, but he came up empty. With a resigned sigh he decided not to say anything, and just watch over the other man to see that he would be alright. He got up to add some more wood into the fire, and dragged the worn armchair closer to the bed so he could keep an eye on his patient. 

He would’ve liked a bit bigger chair, but he did manage to pull up his feet, and he squirmed until he found a position that was at least somewhat comfortable. At first he intended to go through the folders again, to prepare himself for when Leon would stubbornly want to go back to the mission at hand. Yet he had lost all focus, and ended up sitting there awkwardly curled up in the armchair, the folder in his lap and just watched Leon sleep.

Half of the time he wasn’t even really watching him, but right through him, into the past. Those memories weren’t something he willingly indulged in a lot, they always hurt too much, and he had figured out that he was better off just shoving them into the back of his mind. Now he had nothing else to do, was too exhausted to focus on anything in particular, and obviously had the biggest possible trigger for the memories right in front of him.

Claire was the one to blame, really. She’d been the one gushing on about her new best friend, how she wanted Chris to meet him too, how he was so awesome. It had taken literally years before that had happened, somehow, but finally Claire had put her foot down and gone all _fuck busy schedules, it’s my birthday and you will be there. Both of you_. She tended to get what she wanted. 

Distracted, Chris thought about his sister and how she was doing. He’d have to call her soon. Maybe tell her about this crazy-ass mission, too. She’d be happy to hear that he was out there working with Leon, she’d been so worried that the two weren’t getting along. The mere thought of that made Chris snort and shake his head. If only she knew even half of it. If he’d had things his way she would’ve known everything straight from the beginning but they had agreed upon secrecy and when it all blew up in his face, well, he hadn’t really felt like sharing anymore. 

Maybe he should’ve, though. Maybe talking to his sister would’ve helped him make some sense of the entire thing. He had thought they were forging a real emotional connection, not just having regular phenomenal sex, but then suddenly… _I think we’re done with this, don’t you?_ The pain was still fresh, stabbing through his gut, as he remembered every single word. Remembered the detached tone of Leon’s voice, the way he’d looked away. The way he hadn’t known how to respond. _I’m leaving for Europe in three days, now is the perfect time to… move on. It was never that serious anyway_. Never that serious. Screw that.

But now, mixed in with the words from so long ago, were the ones he’d heard through the howling wind just hours ago. _I was falling for you, okay_. He couldn’t even wrap his mind around that. Much less the continuation. _It fucking terrified me_. It was like his heart was being torn apart again, and although he would’ve rather ignored all of the mess forever, he couldn’t compartmentalize it. He couldn’t make his mind shut up.

_You could have anything and anyone you want._

If only, Chris told the memory ringing in his ears. If only. He had learned the hard way that there was only one person he really wanted. And look how that had turned out. 

The wind was howling outside, the snow turning so wet it was almost hammering against the window in huge blotches that barely resembled snowflakes anymore. The storm was showing no signs of relenting, quite the contrary it seemed to be just picking up and growing. Somehow it seemed to fit Chris’ inner turmoil, and he just sat there listening to it rage outside deep into the night.

*

Chris woke up with a start, hand automatically going for his gun, before he realized where he was and that he had just almost managed to fall off his chair while shifting in his sleep. He hadn’t even meant to fall asleep, and his first panicked thought was that what if Leon had gotten worse during the night, what if he’d had a severe concussion and shouldn’t have been allowed to sleep, what if he–

He didn’t get that far with the worst case scenarios though, since as soon as he looked up his eyes met Leon’s, wide awake. Leon was sitting up, still wrapped in the blankets even though they had bundled into a mess during the… however many hours Chris had been out. He was staring at Chris, an unreadable expression on his face. “You look like shit.”

 _Oh like you don’t_ was the obvious reply, the first instinct, and it honestly was what Chris aimed at. Somehow he managed to botch even such a simple comeback, and what he ended up all but breathing out was only half of the sentiment; “You don’t.”

It actually honest to god made a slight tint of a blush fight its way up Leon’s neck and to his cheeks. Quickly he turned his head away to hide it, griping his answer through gritted teeth. “Oh screw you.” It lacked anger, though, even irritation, and came out just sort of embarrassed. It didn’t help that the slight flush never subsided, stubbornly visible. That didn’t mean Leon didn’t pretend it wasn’t there, though. “What happened?”

That took Chris by surprise, and he was too tired not to let it show. “You don’t remember?” he asked, eyes wide. He felt groggy and sleepy, in a way he usually didn’t after waking up, and he figured Leon hadn’t been that wrong when he said he looked like shit. He certainly felt like it. 

“I… you told me I hit my head? And I remember we argued but,” Leon shrugged, “that’s all really vague...”

The words made Chris hold his breath for a second, and he didn’t really like how his voice was a tad bit breathless as he spoke. “What did we argue about?” He had to know if the other man remembered what they’d said to one another, if he remembered the confessions and the heartbreak and … just. All of it. Any of it.

But Leon’s expression was still one of confusion, and he gave an awkward one-shouldered shrug. “I… I don’t know? My plan being stupid?” He hazarded a guess, arching a questioning eyebrow as if to ask if he had gotten it right. 

“Well, it is,” Chris replied carefully. His head felt heavy, his heart even more so, and he wasn’t exactly in the best possible fit to handle a discussion like this. So he took the cowardly way out, and chose not to disagree with the false assumption. It left him more than a little anxious, but he simply didn’t have the mental capacity for the conversation right now. 

Leon shrugged, not bothered in the slightest, or then just too tired to stick up for his plan. “I’m still not hearing better suggestions.” He shifted a little, so he could swing his legs off the bed, carefully planting his feet on the floor. The movement made him grimace, and although he tried to cover it up as soon as it appeared, he wasn’t fast enough.

In one step Chris was out of his chair and next to him, placing a warm palm on his shoulder to keep him seated. “Don’t you even think about it. You took quite a fall and you’re not ready to dash off to some heroics yet.” He tried to keep his voice friendly but firm, knowing that the other man didn’t exactly respond well to being bossed around and told what to do. 

For a second it looked like Leon would argue, as he peered at Chris through the veil of messy hair that had fallen on his face. Eventually he shook his head, but willingly pulled his feet back on the bed regardless, settling back. “Throw me some clothes then, okay? If I have to stay in bed I’d like to get some comfier pants.”

“Just stay,” Chris waved at him, still not fully believing that he had won so easily, and that he hadn’t needed to make it into an argument. There was almost a spring to his step, and it made him curse inwardly at how friggin’ desperate he was if something _this_ tiny could make him happy. The first bag he opened only had papers and weaponry, but the second one was stuffed full of clothes. “Which pants qualify?” he asked, holding up the first pair he found, soft cotton ones that seemed well-worn and used. He got a nod, so he wadded up the fabric and threw the pants, which Leon caught easily. 

There was a rustle back in the direction of the bed, and Chris used all of his resolve to keep his back turned. He wasn’t going to go and violate the other man’s privacy, not with things so …uncertain between them. Instead he busied himself going through the bag for a suitable shirt, finally finding a long sleeved one that seemed as soft and worn as the pants were. He grabbed the shirt, but something about it made him pause and do a double-take. Dark brown, a faded Darth Vader print… 

With a start he realized he knew that shirt. It was _his_. He had thought he’d lost it, but apparently Leon had had it all along. Did he take it with him everywhere? Or was it just a coincidence that he happened to have the shirt with him now? There were more questions by the second, and Chris didn’t even realize how long he’d been just staring at the shirt before there was a sound that caught his attention. 

Leon cleared his throat, looking embarrassed. He already opened his mouth to say something, but then he studied Chris’ expression for a second and seemed to change his mind. Instead his own features softened, and he looked strangely vulnerable when he eventually did speak up. “It stopped smelling like you long ago.” 

Leon’s voice was so soft that for a second Chris thought he had misheard him. So he had kept it on purpose, then? He had kept it, because… Oh fuck. All of the implications of the words were too much for Chris to handle, and he couldn’t afford to let himself dwell in it for longer. With a quick stride he was back to the bed and handed Leon the shirt. “Do you need help changing?” he asked, inwardly cursing himself for being such a coward. This, if anything, had been the perfect opening to talk about _feelings_ , and he had trampled all over it like a big oaf. 

“Do _you_ need your ass kicked?” Leon asked, arching an eyebrow. There was something disappointed in the downwards turn of his mouth, but he just grabbed the shirt and almost angrily pulled it on. The sleeves were a tad bit too long, the collar wider than it needed to be, and it was achingly obvious that it wasn’t his regular size. “Am I allowed to get up to take a piss, or do you want to carry me outside for it?”

Annoyed by the way they always seemed to take two steps backwards for every step forward, Chris just waved his hand towards the door instead of replying with words. A part of him wanted to start yelling again, to pour his heart out for the second time, but he refrained from that and instead tried to channel his restlessness into something productive. He’d always been a doer, he needed something to keep himself busy. First he tended to the fireplace, and then went to the kitchen cupboards to find something to eat. 

Chris was halfway through boiling water on the hotplate for some instant noodles when Leon came back inside. He shook some of the snow off his coat and hung it next to the door, before retreating back to the bed without a word. There was something stiff in the set of his shoulders, in the way he tried not to look at Chris at all. 

_Fucking hell_. Chris sort of wanted to punch a wall. Instead he stood there silently, staring at the boiling water. This was entirely ridiculous. He was a trained agent, seasoned in life threatening situations, used to taking on anything from friggin’ _zombies_. And here he was standing like a little kid, nervous to talk to his crush. Fucking A.

Thankfully it didn’t take long and he already had two bowls of steaming noodles ready, and wordlessly he brought one bowl over to Leon. He just handed it over and retreated back to the kitchen area – even if it was only a few steps away he still felt better getting some distance between them. There was a single bench next to the table, and he sat down to the far edge of it to chow down his meal. It was too hot, but he ignored that, stubborn as he was. 

Afterwards he shifted just enough so he could settle down on the bench on his back. It was wide enough, he could take a nap there, he was well-versed in sleeping just about anywhere. He could’ve gone to the bed, but the air between them felt so thick after all that had happened that he didn’t want to push his luck by getting too close. This was already hard enough for his poor old heart. Besides, he deserved a bit of rest after staying awake for most of the night. They weren’t going to go anywhere for a while still, not if he had any say in it. Not until he was certain Leon was up for it, and not until the snowstorm eased off outside. 

Apparently even more tired than he’d thought he was, Chris was already halfway asleep when he was startled awake by a familiar voice. “C’mon, old man, have pity on your weary bones,” Leon griped, aiming a kick at the other man’s shin. It was barely more than a nudge, but enough to gain his attention and make sure he definitely wasn’t sleeping anymore. “Get in bed. I’m not going to watch you sleep here.” 

“What makes you think you can tell me what to do?” Chris grumbled, defiantly, and for a moment he considered just closing his eyes and staying where he was. Bed sounded comfortable, though, and after Leon gave him a stern look he relented. “Fine.” He got up, dragged himself to the bed and let himself fall face first into the mattress. 

There was a low chuckle somewhere above him, and soon after he felt the mattress dip. It did feel sort of nice when Leon settled in next to him, even though their shoulders were barely touching. He liked to imagine that Leon was a little closer than he had been the previous night, though. Maybe one day they would gravitate even closer to one another, maybe things between them weren’t completely botched forever. 

That was the last thing Chris thought about before he drifted off to sleep.

*

It was strange, waking up to a warm body pressed against his side. Chris didn’t even remember the last time he’d slept this closely with someone, and even then it hadn’t exactly ended well. He tended to wake up and push people off him before his brain caught up with the situation, too wired up for recognizing danger and being ready for it at a moment’s notice. Maybe he was still dreaming, then, maybe this wasn’t even real and he was just… hoping.

Still half-asleep he shifted, only to realize his entire right arm was pinned with something. Tentatively he moved his left hand, running it along a firm side, from hip to chest… and only then his brain finally processed what exactly he was doing. Suddenly he was wide awake, but when he tried to jump further he was reminded of how his arm still was underneath Leon. 

It didn’t seem like Leon minded, though. At least not too much, considering how he was lying there completely still even though he was definitely awake too, watching Chris with an amused sparkle in his eyes. _Oh god those eyes_. “Had a nice dream?” Leon asked finally, the corner of his mouth curled up in a lopsided smirk. 

A nice..? Chris frowned, confused, until it dawned on him. Filled with horror, he tried to shift a little so that he wasn’t basically rubbing himself against Leon’s leg anymore. He definitely shouldn’t be pressing his – admittedly quite impressive – hard-on against Leon’s thigh, not if he wanted to get out of this situation with his pride intact. “Fuck.”

“No,” Leon huffed, sounding like he was holding back laughter. That had to be a good sign, right? If Leon had wanted to, he could’ve not only thrown Chris off him but also off the bed entirely. He hadn’t done that, so he wasn’t too upset about the turn of events. “Not yet, at least,” he went on, still amused rather than offended. “As much as I would like to get re-acquainted with _that_ ,” he nodded not-at-all-subtly towards Chris’ crotch, “I really do think we need to talk first.”

“Yeah, okay, right,” Chris replied with a grimace, eyes downturned so that he didn’t need to meet Leon’s. It was a bit of awkward shuffling as they detached from one another, both sitting up in the process until they were sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing each other. Chris already missed the contact, not in a sexual sense but rather the shared warmth and the closeness. It had felt so nice having the other man pressed against him, sharing his space. Somehow it had grounded him better than anything. 

There was an embarrassed flush on Chris’ face, and he tried not to let the shakiness show in his voice. “Sorry about that,” he said, wincing a little. It wasn’t really all that subtle how he pulled one of the blankets in his lap, desperate for something more …covering than his thin pants. He was trying to regulate his breathing and divert his thoughts elsewhere, to gain control of his body and calm down properly.

“It’s fine,” Leon waved aside. He apparently wasn’t as shaken by this as Chris was, or then he just had the superior poker face, either was an option. There was an equal amount of awkwardness between them, though, and for a while neither knew what to do next. Finally Leon laughed. “Jesus, we’re like children at a goddamn pajama party.”

Chris huffed out a chuckle, shaking his head. “I think if this was a party we’d be having a lot more fun, though.” He didn’t mean to sound so tired and defeated, but it was too late to take it back then. Besides, he was sort of done with playing charades. He was at the point where he just wanted closure, one way or another, be it in his favor or not. 

“I don’t really remember exactly what we argued about, out there, before I hit my head. But I remember some vague bits and pieces of it, and it was… it wasn’t really about how shit my plan is, was it?” Leon started tentatively. “I didn’t sleep much last night. At least after you started cuddling me,” he gave an uncertain little smile, seeming to relax as Chris didn’t get angry but rather just groaned a little, embarrassed. 

Leon didn’t give Chris the chance to say anything though, not yet, but pressed on. “I just. I want to explain what went on in my head. Back then,” He wasn’t exactly good at this whole heart-to-heart thing, either, but he was hell-bent on setting things right, finally. He wanted to do what was fair. And he felt that he owed Chris an explanation, whether he really wanted to give one or not. If he’d have to set his own comfort aside for a while, then be it.

Immediately Chris realized that _back then_ didn’t refer to their earlier argument. _Back then_ referred to what happened half a decade ago. And the mere thought of that immediately filled him with such a mixture of emotions all he could do was nod. There was fear, anger, frustration, hurt… all laced in with a sliver of hope that just would not die down. A part of him wanted to just run away, but he remained there, glued to the spot, fingers twisted into the blanket in his lap so tight his knuckles turned white.

“At first, when it started…” Leon hesitated on his wording, not really willing to put a label on their past relationship, especially knowing how it had ended. Eventually he just let it hang in the air, as they both knew what he was talking about even without clearer definitions. “I wasn’t really in a good place, mentally. There’d been a… a breakup, and I don’t think I was as ready to move on as I wanted to be, then. And I’m sorry I dragged you into that. I just thought you wanted a bit of fun and that’s it.”

Maybe at first it had been just that, Chris thought, even if he didn’t say anything out loud. He’d been single and young, eager to gain more experiences in life. Leon had been equally as adventurous, eager and willing. Plus of course drop dead gorgeous. But even though it had started out as a bit of fun, it really hadn’t taken that long until Chris had allowed himself to fall head over heels.

“Then one day, I realized that I was thinking of Christmas, and what we’d plan for the holidays. In June,” Leon laughed, the sound more hollow than he would’ve liked it to be. “And it freaked me the hell out. I’d somehow managed to get that attached, and I hadn’t even noticed.” He looked up, meeting the other man’s eyes straight for the first time in a good while. “Chris, I was scared shitless. Fucking _terrified_.” 

The implications of all that made Chris’ heart almost stop in his chest for a moment. This was huge. By his own admission, Leon had been so involved in their relationship that he’d been _planning months ahead_. Months. It floored Chris entirely. He had no words, no reaction, nothing at all. He was trying to make sense of the mess in his head, trying to piece the new information together with what he remembered, what he’d experienced back then. It was so wildly different from what he’d imagined, but… he believed it. It did make sense. And Leon looked honest and open throughout everything he said. 

Chris didn’t even realize it himself, but he’d been silent for long, only staring back at Leon without saying a single word. He was shaken from that when Leon suddenly pushed his shoulder, clearly annoyed. “C’mon Chris! I’m trying to put myself out there, you’ll have to meet me halfway. You’d better be paying attention! This is one of those once in a lifetime admissions, I will _never_ again speak of this.” He started to visibly shut off and fold in on himself. “This is ridiculous I should’ve just shut my mouth and –”

He started to pull away, and that immediately sprung Chris into action. “Hey, _hey_!” Thankfully Leon didn’t manage to get up before Chris quickly grabbed his wrist, holding on to him until he settled back down. Chris made sure to maintain the eye-contact again, before finally speaking up. “I was scared too. _Am_ scared still. I get it. With the lives we have, the things we go through, nothing is ever certain. We lose people, important people, _way_ too often. And it’s hard to let anyone get close.” 

Pausing for a second, Chris moved his hand from Leon’s wrist until their hands were palm to palm, and he could slot their fingers together and give Leon’s hand a small squeeze. “But that shouldn’t stop us from trying, you know?” He tried to put all of his optimism into that statement, to show that he meant it with every fiber of his being. Nothing was ever certain, he knew that, damn well. But some things in life were worth the risk anyway.

As Leon didn’t say anything, only looked at Chris with a thoughtful frown, the latter took it as his cue to go on. “I might be scared for you, and it might sound like I don’t trust you, but I do,” he paused for a second, “ _but_ I can’t help but worry, anyway. It’s not like it’s a rational feeling. Get what I mean?”

Leon nodded slowly. “Yeah. I do.”

The next question was something Chris desperately needed to ask, but it took all of his courage to manage to get the words out. “Do you still… Do you want this?” With his free hand he gestured vaguely between them, trying to convey the words he couldn’t say. He wanted, so badly, to ask if Leon had feelings for him, if he still loved him, if he had ever really loved him, but he couldn’t. Baby steps, he figured, they could work their way to it eventually.

This time Leon didn’t even hesitate. “I do.”

An immense wave of relief washed over Chris and he couldn’t stop himself from grinning widely, probably looking like a goof. “So, why the hell not?” He asked, and when he squeezed Leon’s hand again the other man returned the gesture. 

“Yeah,” Leon replied, an honest smile finally breaking free. “Why the hell not.”


	3. make it right for once and for all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so final chapter! \o/ in which we get some action, some sex, and a lot of schmoopy fluff bc apparently that's how i roll...

“I still don’t think you’re well enough for this,” Chris grumbled for probably the tenth time, knowing that his protests would be completely ignored this time as they had been for the first nine times. “What if you have a concussion and pass out in the middle of the infected? How am I supposed to drag your sorry ass out of there then…”

“Oh shut up,” Leon answered, but it lacked heat. “What do you have all those muscles for if not for emergencies just like that.” It wasn’t even a question, and accompanied by a cocky smirk that Leon threw over his shoulder. He had already stepped outside, and was now holding the door open for Chris. “Coming?”

“Obviously.” Chris huffed and stomped after the other man. It wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter, anyway, he wasn’t going to let Leon go in there alone no matter how much he trusted that he was capable of handling himself. This time they’d taken as much ammunition as they could feasibly carry, along with triple the amount of firepower they’d had the previous time. It should be enough to put down anything that was hiding in the facility.

There wasn’t much talking as they headed through the snow again. It was strange, seeing that they’d made the exact same trip the night before, but it had been snowing and storming so much that there was no trace of the path they’d taken. The snow had gotten deeper, too, making it all the more annoying to force their way through it. Thankfully the wind had died down, at least for now. 

“What do you think happened in there?” Leon asked after a long silence. It was probably mostly rhetorical as obviously neither of them could know what had happened before they’d gotten there. “The security details were scoped out like… less than three weeks ago. So whatever went wrong must be really recent…”

Chris didn’t want to pick a fight, he really didn’t. They had just made up, literally just had a heart-to-heart and confirmed that the both of them really did want this to happen between them. But his impulse control had never been exactly top notch, and before he could stop himself he was already grumbling “Unless the info you got was wrong to begin with.” 

Stopping in his tracks, Leon turned to face Chris, glaring at him. “What the hell is your problem?” He didn’t even raise his voice, and seemed to be more confused than angry, but there definitely was more than a little frustration laced into his voice. Until the realization obviously dawned on him, his expression morphing into one of surprise. “Wait. Are you _jealous_?”

Chris’ first instinct was to deny it, vehemently. But he decided against it. “Yes,” he snapped.

Leon laughed. “Seriously, Chris…” With one quick step he was right next to Chris, and reached out to place a placating hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be. Whatever there was between me and her? It’s been gone for years.” He met Chris’ gaze straight, and seemed to weigh on something, before he ventured on. “When we broke up, you and I, I tried to go back to her.” 

That immediately earned a sputtering protest from Chris, but Leon stopped him in his tracks by holding a hand up and raising his voice to show he wasn’t done speaking. “No, _listen_. I wanted to go back to her, back to _that_ because I _knew_ it would never get serious. It was the safe bet.“ He shrugged a little awkwardly. “But it wasn’t… I couldn’t.”

Gently Chris took a hold of Leon’s chin, tilting his head up until they were looking each other in the eye, faces only inches apart. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he muttered, and Leon only managed a short snort of laughter before he was shut up. 

It had been years but the very second their lips met it was like no time had passed at all. Leon made a low sound deep in his throat, tilting his head to deepen the contact, more than a little demanding. His right hand had immediately found its way to the back of Chris’ neck, as if he was afraid that he’d try to pull back and break the contact too soon. Not that there was any danger of that. 

Chris let his fingers brush over Leon’s cheek, cursing the gloves he was wearing as he would’ve loved to have even a little bit of skin contact, yearning for it so much it almost hurt. So instead he wrapped an arm around Leon’s waist and pulled him against himself, reveling in the way the other man was solid and _real_ against him. Not vague like the daydreams he’d had to settle for the past years, but actually there, right there, kissing him back like his life depended on it. 

One kiss turned two, turned three, turned four, and it didn’t take long until Leon was practically holding on to Chris for support, arms around his neck, making these needy little sounds into the kisses. 

Until suddenly Leon practically startled, letting go of Chris as if he burned. “Stop, stop,” he rasped out, voice breathless and unsteady. 

Immediately Chris felt his heart plummet into the pit of his stomach. Fucking hell, had he read everything so wrong that he’d managed to fuck things up before they’d had the chance to properly reconcile? In a second his world crashed from heaven to hell, and he couldn’t make his rational mind grasp onto any of it. “I’m,” he started, searching for words, and eventually finding only one, “sorry.”

Only then Leon seemed to realize what had happened, quickly shaking his head. “ _No_ ,” he said with emphasis, and even stepped back closer as if to reassure Chris that nothing was wrong. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I just,” he chuckled, an amused sparkle in his eyes, “You’re way too distracting. And we have a job to do.” 

As if _he_ was the distracting one, Chris thought, relief washing over him so intensely he couldn’t even get any words out. Especially not after Leon planted a quick, chaste kiss on his lips and whispered a breathy “We can get back to this later.”

In a daze, Chris managed to just smile, and the next moment he was already following Leon towards the research center. Walking tediously through the snow had never felt easier. He was practically friggin’ floating.

*

Everything back at the control room was exactly how they’d left it. Chris was glad he’d had enough presence of mind to switch off the backup generators when they’d last left there, because he certainly had no idea how much fuel there’d be in them. Soon he had the power back on, the cameras rebooting and the locking mechanisms functional one by one. Silently Leon had been watching him work, leaning against the wall casually as if they weren’t about to walk into a room full of things that wanted them dead. “You’re pretty adept at that,” he commented, “maybe you should’ve become a mechanic.”

“I’m a man of many talents,” Chris replied, wiping his hands on his pants. “Just you wait and see.” He stepped closer to the console, scanning through the monitors that were whirring back to life slowly. “Did you only get to the break room or do you have any idea what’s waiting in the other rooms?” They could as well now use the time to figure out what their plan of action would be, except to just get in there and shoot everything that tried to kill them.

“No,” Leon said, shaking his head. He pushed himself off the wall finally, taking the five steps that separated them so he was standing right next to Chris. “There were at least two dozen of them in the first room alone. And something was roaring further back, so I didn’t exactly stay long enough to find out what it was.” He trusted he could’ve handled whatever it was if he would’ve absolutely had to, but when retreat was such an easy option and there wasn’t a pressing time limit… why not just regroup and come back.

Chris shuddered a little, remembering the roar he had heard through the radio connection. “The maximum staff was sixty people, right? So that’s the most we’ll run into.” One could hope, at least. Since when did places like this do anything honest, though.

“And if we find survivors, we get them out,” Leon continued, although they both knew that the chances to find anyone normal in there would be extremely slim. Finally the control panel had booted up properly, the little signal lights blinking green at them. That was their cue to get going.

They shared a quick look, both raising their weapons, and then they were already through the first door into the corridor. It was completely empty in there, the bright fluorescent lights making it look like they were in a goddamn horror movie. Then again, their lives had been horror movies more often than not, nothing new. It was more eerie how they managed to get through the next room without bumping into anything or anyone, too.

Their luck ran out when they were in the middle of the next corridor. The first shot rang deafeningly in the silence, a body dropping to the floor with a sickening splat. That was the second all hell broke loose. Suddenly the empty corridors were filled with a swarm of what once were people, but now were just a shadow of their real selves. It was almost too easy, with the way the corridor formed a bottleneck and let the infected get forward only three, four at a time. 

Of course their luck wouldn’t hold for long, though. The hammering of loud footsteps was followed by something leaping over their heads and behind them, followed by two more of whatever those were, and it made them both curse under their breath. “I’ve got it!” Leon raised his voice enough to be heard, spinning around so that they were back to back, facing opposite directions. 

The three creatures seemed to be lickers at first glance, but there was something off about them. Leon didn’t stop to think about it but fired off three rounds into the closest of them, driving it further back. It probably should’ve been really unsettling how this was like second nature to them, how they’d done this enough for it to be practically routine. It was nice having Chris at his back, though, Leon thought. He didn’t need to even glance back as he knew the other man would take care of that, would let him know if the situation changed and demanded his attention. He worked alone so often that this felt almost like a luxury. 

The first of the creatures soon laid bleeding on the floor while the second and third attacked simultaneously. Leon only managed to fire at one of them before it got a hold of his weapon and got way too close for comfort. With a swift kick Leon sent it off himself, continuing the spin so that he could land another solid kick in what essentially was the face of the other creature. 

“You okay there?” Chris asked, keeping his eyes forward to take down anything and everything that’d appear from that direction. 

“Super,” Leon answered, blasting the last licker-like’s head into smithereens. He spun around again, glancing around only to see a corridor full of death. Nothing was even twitching. “There shouldn’t be this many,” he said, shaking his head a little. Maybe it just felt more than he’d expected, he hadn’t exactly been keeping count in there. It was so easy to let instinct take over, and sometimes the memories from past experiences bled into the current.

“Who knows what they were doing in here.” Chris patted Leon’s shoulder, not knowing even himself if that was for his benefit or Leon’s. Maybe he just yearned for any kind of contact, to make sure they were both still standing and in one piece. “C’mon. Let’s proceed.”

Leon nodded. “Right behind you.”

As they moved towards the research center the corridors turned emptier again, only a stray wanderer coming at them every now and then, instead of a new swarm of enemies. Maybe they really had already put down everyone who had been working here and subsequently turned into one of the living dead. At least the supply of infected couldn’t be endless, there was only a finite amount of people who had been here to even get turned. 

It was easy enough to locate what they needed. The computer in the lab took some time to get started, but the backup generator provided power to the essential functions of the entire facility and it also meant the main research center. Leon took it upon himself to dig through the files to find wherever the essential information was. Meanwhile Chris kept watch, simultaneously looking around curiously. There had been some serious developmental work done here, judging by the restraints on the operating tables, the gigantic tubs with foul smelling liquid in them, and the severed limbs stored in formaldehyde. 

“I’ve got it,” Leon said finally, finishing whatever he’d been doing with a few swift clicks. He took the flash hard drive and tucked it into an empty pouch on his belt, making sure that it wouldn’t be accidentally dropped anywhere and left behind. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

They managed to follow the same route halfway back, before they stepped into what looked like the workers’ lounge and stopped dead in their tracks. Something gigantic was standing smack in the middle of the room. It was human in its essential shape, but it was tall enough that it couldn’t even stand upright in the room where the ceilings were extra high to begin with. Not to mention it was also as wide as three normal persons would’ve been, bulked up with not only gargantuan muscles but also horribly mutated extra limbs. It smelled as bad as the containers in the research center.

“Look,” Leon said, unable to help himself, “we finally found someone who works out more than you.” He spoke silently, barely loud enough for Chris to hear, but that didn’t stop the thing from spotting them. Inwardly Leon cursed his carelessness for drawing attention to them, but he also knew that this was the only way out and they probably wouldn’t have managed to circumvent the creature anyway, not with the way it was blocking their route to the door. 

The creature turned towards them with a clearly displeased roar, already taking the first running steps that sent whatever furniture remained in the room flying out of its way. This time it was Chris who reacted first, emptying a clip into the thing to slow it down. It helped, and the monster stopped in its tracks, but it was only a temporary fix, no one was under the illusion that it’d be dead so easily. 

It was then that Leon noticed the …were those _tentacles_ that had sprouted from the creature’s back? “I’ll go around!” he shouted at Chris, already sprinting to go around the monster and behind it. He had a feeling that the weak point might very well be in the back, judging by what he’d seen before, and by the poor design many of these things seemed to have. If they were to be effective weapons they probably shouldn’t have such obvious weaknesses.

Everything went well first, Leon got behind the monster and fired at the tentacles, causing the monster to scream and thrash wildly around. What Leon hadn’t counted on was that the thing seemed to be very aware of him even though he was definitely out of its line of sight. Accidentally he got too close, and before he had the chance to dodge out of the way he was grabbed around his ribcage and raised off the ground. 

_Fucking hell_ , Leon thought, _not again_. He’d had about enough of being thrown around for one lifetime already. He half expected to be thrown to the ground, or across the room to an opposing wall, but instead he was brought up until his back hit the ceiling. Breathing was getting increasingly hard and only distantly he could hear Chris’ voice and the gunfire, as he was being pulled closer to the monster’s mouth. Was the thing trying to fucking _eat_ him?

Collecting the last remains of his self-control and strength, Leon aimed a well-placed kick at the creature’s face, hoping to at least somewhat slow it down so that he wouldn’t end up being monster dinner. That wasn’t exactly on his to-do-list. He managed to land three proper kicks before the roaring got louder, monster-drool splattering on him, and suddenly he was dropped unceremoniously on the ground. 

The next second he wasn’t covered in monster drool alone, but also at least a gallon of its blood and something that smelled a lot like bile. It made him want to throw up, but he didn’t have time for luxuries like that before air was pressed from his lungs once more. Something heavy fell on him, and only after a second he realized that it was the creature’s corpse.

“You okay?” Chris’ voice seemed to come from somewhere far away, but then Leon was pulled out from underneath the carcass, and finally managed to get back on his feet. He leaned heavily against Chris, though, grateful for the support for now. “Jesus, don’t _ever_ scare me like that again!”

The words made Leon laugh and shake his head. “Sorry.” He pulled back a bit, enough so that their eyes could meet. “Can’t promise it won’t happen again, though,” he grinned, “I don’t know what it is that makes me so irresistible, but these things really love throwing me around.”

Finally Chris relaxed at least a little, too, chuckling breathlessly. “Must be your wit and charm.” He wrinkled his nose theatrically. “Although you stink. What the hell have you been marinated in?” His arm was still around Leon’s waist and suddenly he was acutely aware of it, of how close they were standing, of the way looking deep in those eyes still made his entire world swirl out of control.

So he did the only logical thing: leaned in and kissed Leon… only to pull back already before they managed to even get properly into it. “Holy shit you taste like _crap_ ,” he grunted, pulling a face.

Leon burst out laughing. “Well thank you, Redfield. What a way to make a guy feel special.” He pulled back a bit, not because he was offended but because he did think they needed to get out of here before there’d be any more unpleasant surprises. “You’ll have to make that up to me later, you know?” He started to the door, but the second step he took told him there was something seriously wrong with his ankle. A burst of pain shot up from it whenever he put his weight on it, and although he tried to just grit his teeth and get through it, he wasn’t doing as good a job covering it up as he would’ve hoped to.

Yet he certainly didn’t expect the way his feet suddenly didn’t meet the ground at all. His hand was already on his knife before he realized it was Chris manhandling him instead of something – or someone – that wanted him dead. He let his hand fall off the weapon, instead frowning questioningly at Chris. “What the hell?” He was held firmly in Chris’ arms, bridal style, and he would’ve been lying if he’d said it wasn’t kind of hot how easily that had happened. 

He was met with a challengingly raised eyebrow. “Did you think I’d let you walk back when you barely take a step and look like you’re ready to cry?”

“I don’t cry,” Leon mumbled petulantly, not only rolling his eyes but also slapping Chris’ chest not too gently. “ _Please_ put me down. It’s just a twisted ankle, I’ve handled worse.”

Chris ignored that entirely, and instead started walking towards the door, careful not to bump Leon’s head against the doorframe as they made their way through. “You’re strangely fond of kicking stuff, you know that? Shouldn’t you use your guns?” he teased, laughing as all he got as an answer was an awkward shrug, “I mean, I’m not saying you’re an idiot,” he grinned “but I’m just saying a smarter person would’ve seen that coming. It was only a matter of time.”

“Oh shut up,” Leon huffed, but it lacked heat and he didn’t sound even half as annoyed as he was aiming to. He squirmed again, unhappy with how helpless he’d been rendered to by being carried like this. “At least let me have a piggyback ride. It’s gotta be less embarrassing than this.”

“Fine,” Chris agreed, if only to make the other man shut up. Gently he put Leon down, crouching a little so that he could climb on to his back and they could finally get the hell out of here.

*

Several times during their way back to the cabin Leon tried to negotiate with Chris to let him down and try walking on his own, being shot down every single time he suggested it. Of course he had known that Chris was stubborn, that was nothing new, but he had forgotten how frustrating it could be when they were of the opposing opinions. He did enjoy the way he was allowed to lean against Chris’ wide back, pressed close to him, but he knew he wasn’t exactly light as a feather and the way back was long.

At least when they finally got back he was allowed to try standing on his own, and the ankle did already feel better. Begrudgingly he thought that it certainly wouldn’t feel this good had he limped all the way back and put strain on it, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud. Instead he focused on piling all of the weaponry he had on him onto the table, vowing to look through it properly the first chance he got. Right now though he wanted nothing more than to get the smell of blood and guts off himself.

“I’ll boil some hot water,” Chris offered, trying to see if they had any bigger pots to boil water in or if he should just do it ten times to get enough. “Why couldn’t you pick a base camp with a functioning shower? This is ridiculous.”

“Sorry, I didn’t exactly have time to do much renovations here,” Leon huffed, rolling his eyes. He peeled off his shirts, and noticed to his immediate satisfaction that the blood and bile were pretty much all only on his face and neck, and of course all over his hair. But at least he wouldn’t have to take a proper bath, even if scrubbing the goop off his hair would be a pain. 

“Wanna do it outside?” Chris asked. “Less of a mess to clean up inside.” It was still cold as all hell out there, but it wouldn’t be the first time they’d handle sub-zero temperatures, and they could try to be as swift about it as possible. “I’ll wash your back for you,” he promised with a suggestive wink and a grin. 

“Sure,” Leon replied casually, trying to cover up just how much he enjoyed the way the banter came so easily to them now, compared to the stilted stiffness of the first evening and all of the arguing and disagreements. It felt like they had been here for weeks instead of only days, judging by how much ground they’d covered and how much they’d accomplished. This already went beyond his wildest hopes and dreams, from when he’d decided he wanted Chris here to help him.

Thankfully the blood and the drool and whatever else there was had frozen instead of dried, because it was surprisingly easy to get off with the lukewarm water they got from mixing whatever they’d managed to boil with the icy cold water stored in the large tub outside. Leon was trying to cover up how much he was shivering from cold, knowing he’d feel tons better after he’d be at least somewhat on the cleaner side. 

It took three buckets of water but finally all of the muck was gone and Leon was so ready to get out of the cold and snow for preferably ever. “You got blood on you?” he asked. The other man had only washed his face from what Leon had noticed, but there was still some debatably warm water left if he wanted it. There was no answer, and that made Leon turn around, to look at Chris.

Something sparked in Chris’ eyes and Leon realized what he was about to do the second he saw that. “Don’t you _dare_ dump that wate–, goddammit!” The icy cold water splashed on his face, making a full-body shudder run through him. He shook his head and blinked the water out of his eyes, before turning a glare towards Chris. He was sure it wasn’t exactly intimidating, not with the way he probably looked like a drenched miserable puppy. 

Chris smirked, throwing a towel at Leon next. “I figured you’d want to rinse once more. They say cold water is good for your hair. Makes it _silky_.”

“I’ll have you know,” Leon started, already walking past Chris as he definitely deemed himself clean enough now and couldn’t wait to get back inside into warmth, “my hair is perfectly silky already. I don’t need your barbaric hair-care methods.” He should’ve been much angrier, he thought distantly, but really he was just sort of amused. And relieved they were both in one piece and that there was a promise of some rest next. 

As they got back inside Leon was furiously rubbing his hair dry with a towel, while Chris lit the fire again. It was beginning to get a little chilly inside too, and more warmth certainly wouldn’t hurt. “Want me to warm you some soup or something? We’ve got noodles?” he suggested, suddenly feeling a little bit bad for that last icy cold bucket of water.

“Nah,” Leon declined, shaking his head a bit. His hair was still damp, but at least not dripping wet, and he threw the towel carelessly towards the armchair. Then he sat down on the bed, leaning back on his arms. “Why don’t you just come here?” he suggested, feigning innocence. “I don’t taste like crap anymore.”

Chris’ heart was hammering in his chest, from excitement and nervousness and at least a dozen other undefined emotions that kept swirling within. “You sure?” The question could be interpreted two ways, and truth to be told he didn’t even know himself which of them he meant. He’d spoken up trying to make a lighthearted comment about the crappy taste, but it came out much more serious, as if he was just… asking if Leon was sure about this.

The answer was a surprisingly soft smile. “Why don’t you come find out?”

At that point, Chris didn’t need to be told twice. He only needed three steps until he was standing next to the bed, already leaning down to connect their mouths. The kiss started out slow, tentative and exploring, without a sense of urgency. Leon still wasn’t wearing a shirt and Chris took advantage of that to run his palms up the other man’s sides, reveling in the feeling of soft skin beneath his hands. The touch was making Leon shiver, and that was more than enough to make Chris want to push this further.

It took some awkward shuffling and maneuvering until they managed to make their way towards the center of the mattress, the kisses turning more demanding and heated one after another. At the same time, as much as Chris wanted to just throw himself at the opportunity he wanted to… he _needed_ to make sure that he wasn’t the only one. He didn’t want this to be a one-off thing, or some weird token of thanks, or worst of all, a mistake they’d end up regretting immediately.

“Wait, I…” Inwardly he cursed himself, hoping he hadn’t broken the moment by suddenly just pulling away. For a second he closed his eyes, but then finally dared to look up and into Leon’s eyes. “I just. I need to know if… if you–” He couldn’t get the question out, his thoughts swirling too fast for him to even grasp, much less form a clear sentence from. 

Thankfully, they were on the same page. At least now their shared history came in handy, as Leon could pretty much read Chris like an open book. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, breath hot against Chris’ lips. “I’m done running away from you.” 

That made something twist in Chris’ chest, followed by an intense wave of sheer _emotion_ that he had no handle of. How could he even begin to get a grip on himself? Especially when he had everything he’d ever friggin’ dreamed of right there with him. His voice was choked, already cracking on the single word as he replied. “Good.”

The kiss that followed was one of the slower ones again, almost tentative at first. This time around it only took them a second to get back into it though. Shamelessly Leon threw a leg around Chris’ hips, pulling him closer to himself until they were flush against one another. They both groaned simultaneously as their hard-ons rubbed together, the friction way too good even through the barrier formed by both their pants.

“Just let me,” Leon huffed impatiently, both hands already at Chris’ belt, working it open so he could finally get his hands on what he’d wanted to touch for ages. He made quick work of the belt and the zipper, tugging Chris’ pants down just far enough to free his erection. He wrapped long fingers around it, unhesitant, probably enjoying the following slow strokes as much as Chris did. 

Chris let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, allowing himself a moment to just enjoy the touches. Carefully he moved his hips, thrusting into the warm palm, and it took quite a bit of self control to hold back and not just end it like this. His own hands were shaky as he worked Leon’s pants open, dead set on repaying the favor. Not that he got very far with it. He only managed to tug open Leon’s pants and give him a couple of slow strokes, before he was interrupted.

“C’mon, Chris,” Leon drawled, his breath hot in Chris’ ear, “fuck me.”

He wasn’t exactly proud of the stuttering mess he’d become, but _goddamnit_. What the hell was he supposed to do when Leon was right there, cheeks flushed and pupils blown up with lust, looking at Chris like he wanted nothing else in the world more than him. Still, Chris hesitated, the practical side of him taking the lead. “I… there’s… we don’t have–”

The answer was laughter, and Leon pushed him a little, before pointing towards the general direction of the table where they’d unloaded all of their belongings. “My bag. The one with clothes. Side pocket.” He smirked as he was done giving directions, like he was almost proud of himself. 

Chris got up, trying to ignore his shaky legs and his aching hard-on, and for once he was glad the cabin was so small and the table was so close. It only took him a second of rummaging through the bag pocket before he found the half empty bottle of lube, and a pack of condoms. He held the bottle up as he approached the bed again, arching a questioning eyebrow.

“What can I say,” Leon answered with a smirk, feigning innocence, “a guy can dream?” He had propped himself up on his elbows, watching every movement Chris made with an almost predatory glint in his eyes. He was obviously enjoying this, and not trying to cover that up even in the slightest. 

That made Chris laugh and shake his head. Quickly he discarded his shirt, and as soon as he got back to the bed he kneeled on the mattress, right between Leon’s legs. “Did you really think this would happen?” he asked curiously, as he gripped the waistband of both Leon’s jeans and his underwear, and unceremoniously yanked them down to his knees. He needed a little help with the rest, but thankfully Leon was a willing helper, and together they managed to peel the pants off him. 

“No,” Leon admitted with a headshake, leaning back down against the pillows as soon as his clothes were disposed of. He noticed damn well how Chris was looking at him, and took full advantage of that, shamelessly spreading his legs further as if in invitation. “That was for personal entertainment only. I can tell you all about it, later.” He dropped his voice into a low, suggestive almost-whisper. “Want to know how many times I’ve fingered myself thinking about you?”

Chris shuddered at the mere thought of that. He had enough vivid memories to fuel that image, and he would be daydreaming about that for _months_. Eager to get the show on the road, he squirted a bit too much of the lube on his fingers. He only had the patience to tease Leon for a few heartbeats, circling his entrance, before pushing first one finger in, quickly followed by another. 

Breath hitched in Leon’s throat and for once he was rendered speechless for at least a while. He was biting on his lower lip, chewing on it a little, eyes closed as he focused solely on the sensations. “Shit, I forgot how big your hands were,” he managed to grit out after a moment, a grin dancing on his lips. He squirmed a little, but only to push back against Chris’ hand, trying to not-so-subtly urge him on. 

“Better than your own?” Chris asked, although he had a pretty good guess what the answer would be. He was purposefully avoiding the exact thing he knew Leon wanted, and instead just worked a third finger in to accompany the first two. He felt like he would burst any second himself, and couldn’t resist the temptation to bring his free hand down to his own erection, giving it a few slow strokes. 

“Do you even have to ask?” Leon huffed. “Stop wasting time, get on with it.” Although he managed to sound surprisingly cocky, truth to be told he wasn’t even half as in control as he wanted to seem like. Especially when Chris finally crooked his fingers _just right_ , making a strangled cry escape Leon’s throat, his back arching as a wave of pleasure washed over him. 

“Apparently not,” Chris practically purred, happier than he had been in… well, ages. Just watching how the flush wasn’t coloring only Leon’s cheeks anymore, but was spreading down to his chest, how he was fighting to keep a hold of the last remains of his self control… It was elating, and Chris never wanted it to end. 

If it had been up to Chris he would’ve continued like this for much longer, just pushing Leon closer to the edge only to let him fall back again, drinking in every single reaction he gained. But Leon was growing more and more impatient with every second that passed, and eventually he growled at Chris to _get the fuck to it_. 

Obediently Chris finally pulled back his fingers, reveling in the high-pitched whine that escaped Leon at the loss of friction. He didn’t have to wait for long, as Chris’ self control was about as far gone as his was. Chris didn’t even take the time to properly get rid of his jeans, only pushed them down far enough that they were out of the way. He did use copious amounts of lube, just to be sure, after rolling the condom on with shaky fingers.

“God _damn_ I missed this,” Leon choked out breathlessly as Chris finally pushed into him, torturously slow, inch by inch. Leon’s eyes were screwed shut, his mouth hanging open as he tried to catch his breath, obviously struggling for even a bit of his usual control. He’d grabbed Chris’ shoulders for support, fingers digging hard into the tight muscles, fingernails leaving crescent marks behind on Chris’ skin. 

All of that was almost enough to make Chris ignore the words altogether, but he couldn’t pass by the opportunity to torment the other man a little bit. Slowly he pulled back, only to snap his hips forward with more force than the few first thrusts. “What did you miss?” he asked, but didn’t give Leon the chance to reply to him, instead effectively shutting him up with a slow, open-mouthed kiss. 

As soon as the contact broke he repeated the question, though, causing Leon to groan and reach out to give his shoulder an annoyed shove. “Your stupid face while you ask stupid questions, obviously!” He’d held his eyes screwed tightly shut for the first moments, only focusing on feeling, but now he was staring straight into Chris’ eyes, attentively drinking in every single expression that crossed those familiar features. 

“C’mon, _play nice_ ,” Chris drawled, not even trying to fight the smile that he was sure was now permanently plastered on his face. He ran his fingers down Leon’s sides, only to grab his hips with both hands to lift them, in search of a better angle. 

Apparently he found it, as the next moment Leon’s eyes grew hazy, his gaze unfocused and distant as he gasped for breath several times. “Fine,” Leon managed to speak after a moment, every breath he took so labored that it was a wonder he could speak at all. “Fine. I missed _you_. Inside of me.”

He was rewarded with a quick snap of Chris’ hips, causing him to cry out loud and whisper an urgent _do that again_. And from then on it was pretty much a race to the finish for the both of them. Chris leaned down to kiss Leon but it turned out less of a kiss and more just sharing breath, both of them too unfocused to really manage any proper coordination. 

The low noises Leon kept making in the back of his throat grew more breathy by the second, and he wasn’t even trying to cover just how much he enjoyed being nailed into the mattress. He’d always been open about what he liked, vocal about his enjoyment when he got exactly what he wanted, and this time was no exception. He was murmuring words of encouragement into Chris’ ear, as if he needed any, melting into a row of _fuck fuck yes yes right there fuck yes_ when he was nearing the edge.

Then it hit. Like a lightning. Leon threw his head back, every muscle in his body tensing momentarily as the orgasm washed over him. On instinct he threw his arms around Chris’ shoulders, clinging on to him as if it was the only thing that mattered. “Fucking hell,” he practically only breathed out, aftershocks making his entire body shudder.

If it had been hard for Chris to retain any sort of control until then, it was suddenly utterly impossible. Watching Leon come untouched like that..? Would’ve made even a stronger man crumble. 

Chris buried his face into Leon’s neck, allowing himself to lose control as he fucked deep into the other man. Only distantly he heard Leon’s voice, not really able to make out the words, but he could’ve sworn that was what did him in eventually. He came so hard he didn’t even remember the last time that would’ve been half as intense. 

After, Chris pretty much collapsed on top of Leon, face still pressed against his neck. He couldn’t stop from grinning, though, suddenly feeling honest to god _giddy_. He took a deep breath, then another, slowly coming down from the high he’d been riding. “You’ll be the end of me, I swear,” he whispered, placing a few feather light kisses on the skin on Leon’s neck. 

At first there was no answer, but then: “I did, you know,” Leon said suddenly, still breathless and still holding Chris, drawing slow circles onto his shoulders and back with his fingers. “Miss you. Like a fucking cut-off limb.” It might not have been the most romantic of sentiments, really, but it did get the point across. 

Chris tilted his head a little, placing one last kiss on Leon’s chin before carefully pulling back and out. He got rid of the condom, and then finally discarded his pants, kicking them off the bed blindly to the floor, and as soon as he was done snuggled right back against the younger man. “That why you kept the shirt?” he asked, amusement dancing in his voice, “to secretly sniff it whenever no one’s looking?” He expected vehement denial, or being pushed out of bed entirely, or anything else than what he actually got.

Leon didn’t even pause. “Yeah, why the hell else?”

That made Chris roar with laughter. “Jesus, Kennedy. You _will_ be the end of me,” he repeated his earlier sentiment, still behind it. 

Leon propped himself up on one elbow, moving in to steal a slow, lazy kiss. Afterwards he stayed close, his breath hot in Chris’ ear. “So. I know you’re old, so take your time, but… How long till you’re ready for round two?”

“Fuck you,” Chris retorted, but it was all sort of ruined by the way he was grinning from ear to ear, looking at Leon like the man was the greatest thing to have ever graced this earth. 

Leon just shrugged, mirroring the smile. “That’s the idea.”

The only response Chris managed to that was a slow, unhurried kiss. Right now, he wanted to believe with all of his might that they had all of the time in the world. Together.

*

The sun was shining high on the sky as Chris stepped outside, shielding his eyes from the brightness with his palm. Leon had already brought their bags to the snowmobiles, getting them ready to go while Chris had made the final check so that they left the cabin in proper order for whoever was the next one there. There was a lot to do, and although they would’ve both loved to stay there for a while longer they knew it was vital to get the information they’d gathered forward, to deal with the issue properly.

Slowly Chris approached the snowmobiles, and especially the man standing next to them, suddenly unsure of how to react. Being out here had been like being in a world of their own, far away from all of the other responsibilities and the people in their lives. Now, they were about to head back to their lives, and Chris… he couldn’t deny he was scared. They had screwed this up already once, who was to say that they could get it right the second time around. 

Chris stopped next to Leon, searching for something to say. Thankfully he didn’t need to awkwardly wait there for long, because Leon seemed to notice his discomfort. Leon took the last step that separated them, practically bringing them chest-to-chest, and the open look he gave Chris was enough to melt anyone’s heart. “Stop worrying too much,” he said softly. “Let’s get the hell out of here, and then,” he winked, “we can start the rest of our lives.”

The words were enough to cut the sharpest edge off the worries, and Chris melted into a smile. He leaned in, pressing his forehead against Leon’s, and didn’t even try to cover up how hopeful - and ridiculously sappy, damnit - his voice was when he asked “Together?”

Leon met his gaze straight. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who took time to read this! i hope you enjoyed. (i certainly did, lol, i don't even remember when i was last this deep in a fandom)
> 
> i'm already working on new stuff, but i'm also always open for suggestions, or just chatting, so feel free to come at me ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know anyone in the fandom (how saaaad), so if you're on tumblr [come say hi](https://fonulyn.tumblr.com/)?


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